Life in the Fishbowl

If Only I Could Have Just One More

2009-12-11T07:54:00.000-08:00

I found this note under my Christmas tree…

Dear Santa, (Mom and Dad too!)
This year I have been asking my parents for a beatutiful puppy. I could take a dog that would grow to be big or small. I don’t know if your really real but, I disited to try and write you a letter this year of age 9, 2009. I wanted to give you some ideas on were to get the dog. Maybe you could get a doxin from my friend Katie, or a yorkie from the human socioty, or any dog really. My dad wants a small one, so be thinking, but, I have a big one that is very nice! I want 1 more dog and I am so ubsested with dogs and love them so much. And dad if you read this letter I want you to know that I will take care of the dog. Santa please make this wish come true and come through my chimny door and make a wonderful child be filled with joy. Mom if you read this letter I want you to know I will be on my best behavior.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Love, Aubree
P.S. Please, please, please make it happen. And my dad keeps calling the REAL dogs stuffed animals make sure he knows!!!
P.S.S. Please sign here if your real! (Your real name not Santa) _________________________________

I laughed when I read this note that my daughter wrote to Santa (and her parents that might have influence in the matter). She shook the first package addressed to Aubree that I placed under the tree and said, “Mommy, hurry, get something to poke holes in the top of this box or my dog might not be able to breathe!”

It is with that determination and desire for something special that makes me smile. Her youthfulness at Christmas time causes me to remember my childhood Christmas days. Now as I’m living on the other side of those days I find it much more difficult when my little one plays the Santa card.

Sometimes what we want isn’t necessarily what we need. Other opportunities are presented and life deals a different set of cards. Some doors that open swing with ease. Others are heavy and must be pushed with all our might. Still other doors open and shut everyday just the same for years and years.

I am sad to say that I am officially writing my last Life In The Fishbowl for The Derby Informer. I have had great fun writing this column and I would like to thank all of my readers for following. It has been a delight to work for The Derby Informer and I would like to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! You may still read my writings on my blog at www.franzlifeinthefishbowl.blogspot.com.

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last column’s word was ruminated, to meditate or muse, ponder.

The 2010 Shadows That Will Be or May Be

2009-11-30T06:34:00.000-08:00

I overheard an older gentleman, with a spring in his step, talking on his cell phone in the mall. I assume the person on the other end of the phone asked how he was doing to which he replied confidently, “I am blessed and highly favored!” I was taken aback at first by his bold statement and then smiled as I saw how happy and grateful he was to be alive.

Scrooge, in the Christmas classic, ‘A Christmas Carol’, looked frightened as the spirit of Christmas future gave the visual of what was to come if he didn’t turn that frown upside down. His cold and bitter heart was warmed once he realized how miserable he and everyone around him would be in the years to come if he didn’t change his attitude drastically.

As I ponder the upcoming Christmas season of hope and the year 2010, I wonder will we deeply appreciate all that is given to us in a given day, no matter how small? It’s about believing that you are meant to be here, every day, regardless of the tribulations. Choosing to help another person in need is a weighty endeavor.

I recently made a new friend. His name is Victor. He’s 57-years-old and homeless. He lives in a place called Tent City. No family, only one friend in Indiana. So, we invited him to share a meal with our family on Thanksgiving Day. At the table, when Victor was asked what one thing he was thankful for, he sat silent for what seemed like hours. We had each rattled off the usual answers, faith, family, friends, a home, church, etc. Victor ruminated, trying not to cry, he said, “I am just so grateful to be alive and to be here. To not be alone today and to have this food to eat.”

We were all moved and felt a haze of reality come over us. Here was a man with nothing. Granted he had made some bad choices to get him where he was in life. But, now he was ready to start anew, begin again. He has a part time job. He’s saving to be able to move out of Tent City. He walks and walks. Victor attends church because someone from the church served him a free hot meal. His toothless smile is priceless. He doesn’t ask for anything but says thank you for everything.

After stuffing ourselves, perusing the sale papers, playing games, working the traditional puzzle and watching the Cowboys and the Macy’s parade, we took Victor and the family to see Jim Carrey’s ‘A Christmas Carol’. Not only was it his first time watching a 3-D movie, it was his first time going to the movie theater. With popcorn and coke in hand he sat relishing the thought of using his 3-D glasses for the dual purpose of sunglasses.

At the end of the day it was not easy taking Victor home to his tent on that chilly Thursday night.

In the weeks and year to come… think about the shadows that will be or may be. Although, the spirit of Christmas to come may not be clearly showing your outcome in a dream or vision, don’t let that prevent you from doing good for those less fortunate.

As Tiny Tim said, “God bless us everyone!”

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last column’s word was palpable, readily or plainly seen, heard, perceived, etc.; obvious; evident.

Isn't Everyone Grateful for the Easy Peel Seal?

2009-11-18T19:17:00.000-08:00

Seriously, you mean to tell me you aren’t indebted to the gel padded bike seats? What about the middle lane? Self-propelled lawn mowers? Craigslist and Ebay? Shoes and accessories? Papa Murphy’s gourmet veggie pizza? Extended deadlines? Paying your hair stylist way too much money just to hear him/her say, “You have the most fantastic hair!”

Maybe those things are too complicated and self-indulgent. But, what about the simple things in life? A hot shower? Clean water to drink? A good book? Warm sheets and blankets to get cozy in? Quality time with family and friends? Ice cream?

I asked my friends to tell me what they were grateful for, besides the palpable answers such as God, family, friends and church. Below is a small sampling or the original responses I received:

· That I don’t have crazy ear hair.
· Firearms and the opportunity to shoot them with my son.
· A warm toilet seat in the dead of winter.
· I am thankful that I am free from Islam.
· My blood work and ultrasound came back negative.
· For where I have been and where I am going.
· Colors!
· My daughter is able to come to the school where I work.
· Challenging life experiences that make me stronger and give me a different perspective.
· The troops that have died for our freedom.
· An amazing job where I get to do everything I love most.

I felt that this was quite an array of varied responses. It helped me to reflect upon the real meaning of this Thanksgiving season and be prepared to share my appreciation to those less fortunate than myself.

How about a friend who motivates and encourages you? The saint who shows up on you front door step to give you a home-cooked meal after you’ve given birth to a baby or had the flu all week? The neighbor that is there for you when a tragedy strikes? The spouse who forgives and loves unconditionally? The unexpected gift selected just for you?

Many are without jobs, homes, food and money this year. What are you grateful for? Is it the simple and/or complicated? Are you in need or able to give? Whatever your circumstance may be I encourage you to find what it is that you are grateful for and pay it forward.

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last column’s word was lardaceous, meaning lardlike and fatty.

True or False: Skinny people are always healthy and physically fit?

2009-11-05T19:16:00.000-08:00

I have come to the realization that age and gravity are working against my body.

I was always one of those girls that could eat whatever, whenever, wherever and not worry about calories, fat grams, sugars or french fries, ice cream and fast food. A couple of years ago, all of that junk ended up in my trunk.

There’s nothing nice to say about it, this gradual process of my body morphing into some unidentified foreign object and my hips becoming lardaceous. The depressing state of knowing that I need to make wise food choices and exercise routinely while making sure to confuse my muscles.

I’m every woman. It is true what older women have always told me.

But do not despair for, “Your age will never exceed the numbers that stare at you from the scale you stand upon.” This ancient proverb I contrived will always be true (unless you have a serious case of anorexia) and is meant to encourage.

So, like all desperate American women, yearning to look like we did at 21, I have turned to friends’ advice, magazines, P90X, dieting by eating smaller, healthier portions more frequently, kickball and water.

Yuck. I hate water. It’s so boring and flavorless. This week I decided to beat the power that aspartame-infused Diet Dr. Pepper has over my mind. Yes, I suffered the “I’m addicted to caffeine headache,” and no I don’t like water any more than I did before. I’m pretty sure that I started gaining weight after I started drinking diet soda. Maybe it’s a scam.

At the advice of a special friend I have replaced the caffeine with the all-natural, energy-boosting B-12 spray under the tongue.

I started playing in a kickball rec league this fall and I consider it proper therapy. It’s not so much about toning my muscles as it is about reliving those childhood years with a bunch of other adults on our co-ed team.

Here’s the bright side. Halloween candy screams from every room in my house, “Pick me, unwrap me, eat me!”

Admit it parents, we have all broken commandment number eight and stolen at least one piece of our children’s candy while they were away from their prized loot bag.

Then there’s the brighter side, after the passing of Halloween... Thanksgiving and Christmas festivities invite delectable foods of all sorts.

All sarcasm aside, discipline has to be cerebral. I will attempt to get my mojo on and the only deal breaker may be my own lack of commitment to accepting my slowing metabolism. I will rise above, soar past Wendy’s and make myself accountable to others striving to defy gravity.

So this year as my November birthday adds another year to my double digits, I will look forward to the beginning of a new era and if that fails... I guess there’s always Zumba.

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last column’s word was odious, meaning deserving or causing hatred, detestable, repugnant, disgusting.

The Systematic Comparison of U2 and the Swine Flu

2009-10-21T07:10:00.000-07:00

As I scanned the highlights of my friends on my Facebook site I noticed that many of my friends have attended the recent U2 360’ tour. The band is in the United States during the months of September and October.

Sell out crowds flock the stadiums and arenas universally to catch a glimpse or better yet an eye of one of the band members. My best friend in college, Tammy Davis, went to a show with her husband.

“We made it to the inner circle. Close to the stage. I got some awesome pictures. And oh yes, Bono looked at me (& Jordan Stancil), pointed to us, and said ‘Walk on,’ I don't care who you are, that's cool,” she said.

This band has been around since I was an adolescent. They were the stuff then and they are the stuff rock and roll legends are made of now. I’ll never forget Trevor Hicks. Not only for his wholesale amounts of intelligence but for his devotion to U2. Vice President of my 1990 graduating class, Trevor Hicks stands next to a U2 sign to express his individuality in the yearbook.

Countdown after countdown appeared as posts on Facebook walls. Hourly and daily updates leading up to witnessing the epic event according to U2 fans. As I watched a post concert video of Bono singing “Amazing Grace,” my daughter asked whom it was singing. I told her U2 but she heard, You Tube, and thought that was a weird name for a band. I then clarified.

Although our economy is skidding down an icy mountain into the hungry mouth of Sasquatch, the same theory holds true. People will spend all of their savings (in America = max out credit) and travel to the ends of the earth to see and hear their favorite band live.

People will also do whatever is necessary to prevent an odious disease from attacking. A vaccination will be purchased and injected or snorted. The media will hype the scare to the “nth” degree and the good people of the world will believe that this vile virus will soon live in each of our bodies if we don’t act immediately.

Imagine thousands of people in an arena watching a concert, spitting, singing, yelling and sweating. Imagine those germaphobes everywhere holing them selves up and shuttering at the thought of a flu that can cause death in some rare cases.

I’m not sure the hoopla for either U2 or the Swine Flu are pragmatic.

What I do know is that with or without you, even if you live where the streets have no names or have lived through Sunday bloody Sunday or an unforgettable fire, an overwhelmingly large amount of our population still haven’t found what they’re looking for.

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last column’s word was arcane, known or understood by very few; mysterious; secret; obscure; esoteric.

How to make the best of an ER visit

2009-10-11T12:48:00.000-07:00

“Sometimes, despite your best efforts otherwise, life will give you lemons.” (Quote from the newly released movie, Love Happens)

I can’t think of one time that I visited an emergency room and it was a pleasant or expeditious experience.

There was the time I was in college and had an earache so acute that I thought having only one ear would of been a better option. Or the time I drove to the hospital as my son grabbed at his heart in agonizing pain. He had just played a basketball game at the YMCA in Wichita and was having severe chest pain. And, most recently, the middle of the night visit for my son’s infected elbow.

I had just taken him to see the pediatrician that same afternoon and she put him on an antibiotic and gave specific instructions to call if he started spiking a fever. Sure enough, the fever struck his tween body and the pain crept into the elbow region, next to his wenis. The skin on your elbow is called your wenis. Mothers with boys may know this little known fact already. This is the most memorable anatomical fact my son learned while attending Derby Hills Elementary. I’d like to think that he has genetically inherited my love for arcane words.

In we walked at the midnight hour bracing ourselves for a long wait, ready to people watch. We did our best to stay germ free as the lady sitting adjacent to us sounded as if she might hack up a lung. The nurse asked us if we’d been out of the country or state within the last two weeks and if we’d ever been exposed to tuberculosis. I tried to remain calm and not think about all of the questions that were spinning through my mind.

I sat with my latest read, while Avery played Tetris on my cell phone. After being seen by the doctor and x-rays were taken, Avery left none the better. The doctor said he did not what to “cut into that mess,” and suggested we go back to Avery’s pediatrician in the morning. It was morning! 2 a.m. in fact. I was not a happy mom. I didn’t show my frustration but took my son home to sleep and waited till the next day.

That afternoon we went back to the pediatrician who told us to go to the children’s hospital. He finally had his elbow drained of the infection the next night at a children’s hospital and has since recovered from the two-day ordeal. My point in sharing this story is that when life throws acidy lemons at your open wounds, make the best of a bad situation. When emergency room and pediatrician co-pays are stacking up one on top of the other we have to find a way to make sugary sweet, lemonade.

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last column’s word was commences, to begin, start.

What 1 Book Would You Want to be Buried With?

2009-09-15T11:17:00.000-07:00

Up until the last couple of years the word “reading” wasn’t even in my vocabulary. Reading has become part of my daily routine.

I wish I could say that I am a fast reader but I read at a slow pace in order to process every word printed on the page. Maybe it’s my ADD, “Attention to Detail” Disorder that causes this innate meticulous behavior. It could also be the fact that I have two children that are constantly interrupting and needing my attention?

Trying to read is much the same as a mother answering or making a phone call. Every mom knows that once she picks up the phone or a good book there is always a child nearby in dire need of some important question to be answered such as, “Mom, can Braxton spend the night?” Or a sibling spat commences. Or something in the house is missing and only Mom, can find it at that exact moment.

Reading has become a habit that I have acquired since the kids have gotten older. My sister is nine years younger than I with two little ones at home.

She asked me, “Did you read a lot when your kids were younger?”

To which I replied, “The back of cereal boxes, internet news headlines, Dr. Seuss and once in a while a parenting magazine.”

When the kids are little it is tough to pick up a good book and escape. I remember seeing a bumper sticker that read, “I make milk, what’s your superpower?” That was my story not so long ago and the thought of extra-curricular activities such as reading wasn’t a thought at all. The idea of finishing a whole book was as funny as Ellen Degeneres becoming an American Idol judge.

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Let me encourage you mothers all over the world; there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It starts at the beginning of the school day. Unless you choose to home school, and then you’ll need to speak to an experienced home schooling mom to find out if reading beyond textbooks is fiction or non-fiction.

I have found that reading while the kids are in school or at night after they have fallen asleep are the best times to squeeze in my quiet time. Of course, this means sacrificing cleaning the house during the day and watching some of my “must see” TV shows in the evenings. The indulgence is worth the payoff once I finish a book and am strengthened, rewarded and educated.

This year my goal has been to read a book a month and I have already surpassed my goal by reaching 14 1/2 in the month of September. For a list of these books and reviews please visit my blog at www.franzlifeinthefishbowl.blogspot.com. In my blog I also explain why I only read half of one of the books I began reading.

May I take this time to encourage you all to pick up a book and read? Time restraints, media and technological outlets and the great outdoors always seemed to be a better choice. However, after taking some time to join a book club and discover the vast variety of interesting authors and genres of writing I believe I will be able to have a good book in my hand for the rest of my life.

When I breathe my last, the only book that I want to be holding in one hand is the one straight from heaven, the Bible. It’s a best-seller, inspired by God, that offers His hope and promises. It is relevant, timeless, and spans the generations. But don’t just take my word for it, check it out at the library.

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was chieftain, a leader of a group, band, etc.”

The Wednesday Letters/Jason F. Wright Fiction - dull 2
The Glass Castle/Jeanette Walls Memoir - stick-to-itiveness 3
Sunrise Series/Karen Kingsbury Christian fiction – goodness 3
Sister Chicks Down Under/Robin Jones Gunn Christian fiction - girly 2
Blink of an Eye/Ted Dekker Christian fiction - non-judgmental 3 Adam/Ted Dekker Christian fiction – satanism 4
Tamar, Unveiled/Francine Rivers Historical religious fiction – callous 4 Bathsheba, Unspoken/Francine Rivers Historical religious fiction -humanity 4
And the Shofar Blew/Francine Rivers Christian fiction – sinful 5
On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness/Andrew Peterson Fantasy – imaginative 4
North! Or Be Eaten/Andrew Peterson Fantasy – venery 4
The Great House of God/Max Lucado Non-fiction religious – encouraging 3
Crazy Love/Francis Chan Non-fiction religious – bold truthfulness 5
The Last Lecture/Richard Pausch Non-fiction – useful 4
Tourist Season/Carl Hiassen (half read) Florida fiction – disturbing 2

My favorite author is Francine Rivers, but I do not regret reading any of these books. Each author dispensed a degree of education, comic relief and drama.

Carl Hiassen, author of Hoot, was new to my list. He is a well-known Floridian author who writes about the Sunshine State. A Florida native, I have a deep understanding of the tropical climate. Alligators abound and the belly crawler already stimulates enough fears and anxiety deep within my bones to add to the imagination. I chose to conclude my reading half way through the book.

North! Or Be Eaten by Andrew Peterson

2009-09-15T10:21:00.000-07:00

I was recently asked to review the fresh new fiction book by Andrew Peterson. This is Book Two of the Wingfeather Saga and continues to provide not only entertainment but also puts the imagination to work. I am currently reading Book One, On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness, to my kids and they love it. The detailed account of a family with a dog is something they can relate to and the mystery, fantasy, creativity and adventure make reading fun.

Summary of Book 2, North! Or Be Eaten:

Janner, Tink, and Leeli Igiby thought they were normal children with normal lives and a normal past. But now they know they’re really the Lost Jewels of Anniera, heirs to a legendary kingdom across the sea, and suddenly everyone wants to kill them.

Their escape brings readers to the very brink of Fingap Falls, over the Stony Mountains, and across the Ice Prairies, while villains galore try to stop the Igibys permanently. Fearsome toothy cows and horned hounds return, along with new dangers: a mad man running a fork factory, a den of rockroaches, and majestic talking sea dragons.

Andrew Peterson’s lovable characters create what FantasyBookCritic.com says made Book One “one of the best fantasy novels in a very long time,” and Book Two contains even more thrills, exploring “themes universal in nature, ranging from the classic good versus evil, to the importance of family, and burdens of responsibility.”

Author Bio.:

Andrew Peterson is the author of On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness, Book One in the Wingfeather Saga, and The Ballad of Matthew’s Begats. He’s also the critically-acclaimed singer-songwriter and recording artist of ten albums, including Resurrection Letters II. He and his wife, Jamie, live with their two sons and one daughter in a little house they call The Warren near Nashville, Tennessee. Visit his websites: www.andrew-peterson.com and www.rabbitroom.com.

I can't express fully with words how much I enjoyed reading this book but I have high hopes that North! Or Be Eaten will become an epic movie, bigger than any Twilight book could ever become. The cat/mouse chase engages the reader and the make-believe creatures, lands and people groups are fantastic for the reader's curiosity. It will forever remain in my personal library of classics.

Thanks, Andrew, for sharing another of your many talents the Lord has giving you with the world!

First Day of School or Last Day of Summer?

2009-08-30T18:46:00.001-07:00

I was incredibly sad and lonely after taking my kids to their first day of school. I felt a wash of unexpected emotions rush over me. My plan was to jump off the roof into the pool to celebrate my forgotten freedom. But none of my plans came to be on Aug. 25.

I missed Avery and Aubree. Because of our move to Florida in April our family had an extended summer and although our four months together was at times a challenge, for the most part the ‘summertime blues’ were no where to be found.

I was crying, nervous for my nine and eleven-year-old babies. The house was quiet and still, until my cell phone rang…

“So much for the first day of school, more like the last day of summer,” said Avery as we pulled out of the school parking lot. His attitude after being bounced from the media center to the cafeteria to the office for three hours was remarkably pleasant, even comical. He was living up to the principal’s mantra: “I’m asking that everyone have patience and a sense of humor during the start up stages of our new school,” said Principal Ateek. He did a fine job of leading and calming the 1,500 students in the K-8 Fundamental School. Close to 1,000 sixth, seventh and eighth graders alone attend the school with two separate buildings, next door to one another, creating one enormous school!

My son had been incarcerated for an hour and 20 minutes before I ever got the call that he did not have all the necessary paperwork to attend class. You can imagine my dismay, shock and utter disgust with the situation. One reason for my frustration was because I had been emailing with school officials since June to be sure that my ‘new to the county and state’ kids were completely enrolled. Another reason was because my doctor in Derby assured me that the paperwork was all sent on July 21 to the school. The final reason was because I never got word one from anyone at the school that my kids were not registered and unable to attend class. This was ludicrous and new school or not, utterly ridiculous.

However, it was out of my hands. I did all I could but my son had to go home on the first day of school. Although this may come as much of a surprise to you as it did to me, he was heart broken and missed the chance to go to classes. I felt his anxiety and felt rather useless as a mom.

Because they did not catch the matter as quickly at the elementary side of the school, Aubree, my daughter was able to stay all day. She had a fine day, although she dearly missed her the quaintness of Derby Hills Elementary and all her longtime friends.

At the end of the school day Avery and I picked Aubree up and as we were walking to the van a TV cameraman was quick to ask, “So, how was your first day of school? What was your favorite part of the day?” Aubree had just been told that Avery hadn’t gone to more than five minutes of his first class and was processing the fairness of her life. She did not want to speak at all and Avery, well, he couldn’t. I politely spoke on their behalf and told the cameraman, “It’s been a long day and there really hasn’t been a best part of the day. Thanks for asking though.”

As we drove away and heard all about Aubree’s semi-good day I assured myself that I am not in control. As much as I think I am at times, only God is able to truly make plans and know for sure that those plans will come to fruition. And, the first day of school was another ‘not so gentle’ reminder of His power and my weakness.

To top off the awfulness of the day that evening we had to take our foster puppy to the emergency animal hospital because she was lethargic, dizzy and trembling. This all started after we came home from school. Come to find out that the medicine we had been instructed by the SPCA to give her to cure her of mites had an adverse effect on her body and was causing blindness and attacking her nervous system.

All is well now. Avery was able to attend the second day of school. As he rode on his bike later that night he was singing, “I love school.” WOW, I guess it was worth the hassle and maybe I should send him to the second day of school, in replace of the traditional first day, every year.

I sent a thoroughly extensive, detailed email to the chieftains at the school to make my frustration known. Although this was more than likely ineffectual, it made me feel better. No harm done, just one lousy day, a few mental notes and several more life lessons learned.

Lest I forget, “blind” Bella (as we affectionately call her) is a seeing-eye dog once again and acting like her playful puppy self. We are grateful to have her in our home for another week.

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was SPCA, Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.”

Emotionally Detached or Unemotionally Attached?

2009-08-19T20:32:00.000-07:00

It was on March 18 of this year that I wrote about Jack and Jaden Taylor of Derby. The nine-year-old twins had celebrated their birthdays by asking for monetary gifts that they could in turn donate to the Humane Society.

It was last week that my daughter turned nine-years-old and inspired by the Taylor twins, did exactly the same thing for the local SPCA. She was thrilled to have collected $150 in cash donations to spend on cat and dog treats, food and toys. My son, calculator in hand, tallied the items to make sure she did not spend over her allotted amount. It was like Christmas in August.

It was on June 13 that I promised my daughter that if she could complete a triathlon I would let her foster a puppy from the SPCA.

It was on August 15 that we brought a three-month-old Jack Russell terrier mix home to foster for a few weeks. The pup has demodex mites; we shall attempt to cure her of the pesky bugs so that she will be adoptable. This is what the email from the SPCA said after we had already agreed to take her, “This poor little girl has been at the shelter for two months and has had no human socialization at all and the only other K9 socialization she has had was with her two littermates. So you have your work cut out, not only medically treating her for the demodex but teaching her human socialization skills.”

“Fantastic,” I thought to myself, “What have I gotten myself and my family into? Why do you love animals so much Aubree? Couldn’t you of just asked for a Nintendo DS or an American Girl doll as a reward?”

However, when I got ‘no name’ home I was pleasantly surprised. I haven’t heard her bark and she gets along great with our six-year-old Golden Shepherd. That’s a Golden Retriever/German Shepherd mix in case you haven’t heard. Mixed breeds are all the rage. Puggles (Pug/Beagle), Labradoodles (Lab/Poodle), Goldendoodles (Golden Retriever/Poodle), Chugs (Chihuahua/Pug) Labaraners (Lab/ Weimaraner), Chiweiners (Chihuahua/Daschund) and the list goes on and on. Breeders are charging hundreds of dollars for these mixed breeds.

We were also given the task of naming the puppy. I now have a new appreciation for Adam (of the Bible) and his chore of naming the thousands upon thousands of animals on the planet. Aubree chose to name her Bella, meaning beautiful in Spanish. Bella has been a nice addition thus far.

The challenge will be fostering Bella while remaining ‘emotionally detached' or should I say 'unemotionally attached?’

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was steamer, something propelled or operated by steam, as a steamship.”

The Diary of Louisa C. Warren Hall - Part 3

2009-08-16T17:44:00.000-07:00

It is now June 3, 1903 and Louisa went with Jennie James to Rockford, Ill. to see President Roosevelt. “We had two good views of President Roosevelt but could not get near enough to hear his speech. We heard the sound of his voice as his carriage passed within ten feet of me, and, as some boys ran close to his wheels he feared they would get hurt so said, ‘Get out of the way, get out of the way,’ in a kindly manner.”

Then on August 9, 1903 Louisa unknowingly meets her future third husband. “A Mr. J.D. Cluts, who lives near Ashton (Ill.) came to spend the day. He is looking for a housekeeper, his wife having been dead about three years; he has five children. I may go there after I get away from Kings (Ill.).” On November 30 at 2 p.m. Louisa writes, “Tonight, about 8 p.m. Jacob D. Cluts and myself are to be married at Edith’s home in Elmwood, Ill. I believe he is one of the best men I ever knew, and it seems in my judgement that I am making no mistake in consenting to be his wife. I mean to be his faithful and good wife.”

She talks of her new blended family getting along nicely and being united. “All the children treat me beautifully. It is a great responsibility to assume. All of the family is good to me. God help me to do my whole duty. My strength is hardly sufficient for the work there is to do.” (Dec. 31, 1903) That’s quite the new years’ resolution. Sunday evening of the new year in 1905 she states, “So we enter on another untried year. I know there must be hard work, many trials and some sorrows it may be.”

In March, 1905 Louisa sells her home for $2,600 to a lawyer of Chicago.

“So sick of the never ending cooking.” (March 27, 1904) “Summer is going too fast. The heat nearly prostrated me.” (August, 1905) I concur.

Louisa decides to venture by herself out west. On Oct. 18, 1905, after she and J.D. completed the writing of their wills, she set out for Calif. via Northwestern Railway. Her roundtrip ticket from Ashton, Ill. was $60.05. “Scenery seemed poor and tame through Nebraska.” She visited her cousin’s family in Denver, Co. and took a trip to Golden, Co. to look about. “The air in Denver is delicious. The sun shines so bright. I’d like to live in Denver if my husband and home were here. It is expensive living here, however.” (Oct. 21)

On Oct. 24 she reaches Colorado Springs and secures a room with a view of Pike’s Peak. She writes of South Cheyenne Canyon, “not even Niagra impressed me more.” She hikes to see where Helen Hunt Jackson’s grave used to be and later actually sees where her husband moved her grave to. She sightsees in Manitou Springs, Garden of the Gods, Colorado City, Williams Canyon, Glen Eyrie and finally Canon City and the Royal Gorge to visit another cousin.

“I have met many pleasant people, seen much I shall delight to remember so long as my mind has a memory. This is a big world full of interesting humanity.” (Oct. 27)

After seeing Colorado, Louisa stayed in Salt Lake City, Utah for two days. “The city nestles close up a mountain. It really is a wonderful city, water on each side of the streets, clean, clear water, I suppose for irrigating. Never did I dream that I should see this city of the Mormons. The cleanest, widest city streets I ever saw. City stands at the base of the Wasatch mountains.” (Oct. 28)

She was guided along with other tourists through Temple Square; led by a fine looking Morman gentleman. This is her “outside looking in” commentary. “In the afternoon at 2 o’clock I attended preaching service in the tabernacle. Son of Joseph Smith was one of the preachers. The organ of 5,000 pipes is the finest I ever heard. A choir of 500 voices led by a chorister sounded well. The women are the homeliest I ever laid eyes on and they mostly have an unhappy look, I think. Our guide gave us some wonderful talks about the belief of the Mormons, one I remember, he said one could be baptized over and over for dead friends. I am glad I have had my lot cast in a land where such doctrines are not taught. It seemed to be like another world not in our United States.” (Sunday, Oct. 29)

She concludes her journals with the writings of her stay in California. First stop, Sacramento, then on to Fresno and Auckland where her old friend and schoolmate, Lizzie Ingalls St. Clair, resides. “California folks seem so busy and wide awake, rather indifferent to the rest of the world except to get all money they can of tourists.” (Oct. 31) After a three-day uneventful stay with Lizzie she heads to Visalia and Los Angeles. “Had an amusing woman in same seat, who hates California, can see no good in anything in this country. Even ‘the dogs are the ugliest she ever saw in her life.’ I was entertained.” (Nov. 6)

Louisa went to Huntington Beach then back to West Naples. She took a trolley ride, gathered shells, rode a small Steamer and walked the Long Beach pier. “I have now been across the continent, have seen both the Atlantic and Pacific oceans. I am more than content now with old Illinois.” (Nov. 9)

Nov. 9 it was off to San Jose to see cousin Helen Mabury. The two haven’t seen each other in over 35 years, since she was only a girl of 14-years-old. Louisa rode many a stagecoach and horse on her adventures. The two visited San Francisco as well. “I am pleased with this city.” (Nov. 15)

Louisa’s final entry is Christmas of 1905. She leaves us with this, “We had a roasted goose for dinner, goose stuffed with oysters. I gave Mr. Cluts a gold watch and chain for Christmas.” Interesting that she calls her husband, Mr. Cluts, isn’t it?

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was oculist, meaning optometrist, eye doctor, ophthalmologist.”

The Diary of Louisa C. Warren Hall - Part 2

2009-08-03T11:35:00.000-07:00

The Diary of Louisa C. Warren Hall – Part 2

This memoir is 110 years old and begins in the year 1899. The following thoughts and documented day-to-day life experiences were discovered in my great, great, great grandma’s journals. When I last left you it was 1866 and she had been married to a man named Nelson Hall on February 28, 1865.

She has since become a widow twice-over. Nelson, a soldier in the Civil War, died early on in 1883. She was married to her second husband Hubbard Harris on April 30, 1885. He passed away January 31, 1899. To that end, she expresses her sorrow and loneliness repeatedly over the loss of her husbands for years to come. “My heart aches still. I know God is good and loves us both, but I long for the dear old companionship of my husband. We were such good comrades, we enjoyed each other’s company.” (January 31, 1900) Later she writes, “I do keep a semblance of outside cheerfulness. God do help me to be brave!” (March 1, 1900)

“How strangely providence is leading me.” (Nov. 26, 1899)

She is a bit of a wanderer, visiting family members and friends as she tries to make a living by cleaning homes and being a nanny. She rents her home for $22.50 per month in 1899. She moved about the state of Illinois and traversed the country via railway into Iowa, Vermont and Michigan. She rents her house for only $15 a month in December of 1899 and writes, “The payment of my tax or assessment of $45 for street paving troubles me, I do not see how I am to get the money to pay it. Oh that a kind providence would direct me in this as it has in all my affairs.” Then later she writes, “My new cement sidewalk cost me $82 on my 100 feet lot, walk to house included.” (from June 14 to July 22 inclusive, 1902)

Funny thing is we just had a new cement driveway put in for the low, low price of $2,200.

Louisa was a church go-er and a believer in the Lord. Her strength and faith sought out His love and wisdom. She attended many different denominational churches, Baptist, Union Congregational, Presbyterian, Methodist and even a German church. She was a part of the Ladies Aid Society and Home Circle, Kings Daughters meetings, Christian Endeavor prayer meetings, Chautauqua Assembly and her Neighbor’s Club and Old Town Folks’ Club in Wilmette, Ill.

She is 53-years-old now in the year 1900 on March 5.

Her first mother-in-law, nearly 86-years-old, passes away on Dec. 31, 1900. “She was Nelson’s mother, had some redeeming traits, and so let silence and the grave cover her faults.” Well said.

On May 28, 1900 Louisa suddenly went blind in her right eye, also dimness in the other. “I cannot read or sew, or mend, and write but a few words at once. Am almost in depair. How long, oh Lord how long! This is the bitterest cup of all.” She does put herself in the care of Dr. Buffum, oculist on June 4 and seems to recover to a degree.

During her visit to Kalamazoo, Mich. on March 7, 1901 she writes, “Kalamazoo is quite a fine city. I was here years ago with Nelson. Nelson’s uncle Horton Hall is insane and at the asylum here. Oh how hard life is for most of us!” I smile as I copy Louisa’s words because the truthfulness of the good and bad times in life is refreshing to my soul.

“Providence is surely watching over me.” (May 8, 1901)

During the summer of 1901 – “I am starting for Mackinac Island, Mich. to help a lady do housekeeping. It is an experiment. I hope all will be for the best. It was Dr. John Bailey, at whose house I am living now. I get $15 a month. I have the impression that all is for outside show and for making money. Some even work on Sunday. I hope I do not misjudge. Miss Elroy and I climbed up to Arch Rock from the beach, quite a hard rather risky climb, about 100 ft.” Sunday, Aug. 4 – “This afternoon Mrs. Stokes and I took a lake trip to the “Snows” or La Cheneaux islands. A quiet, orderly crowd were on board. I do not feel as though I’d broken the Sabbath, as we cannot easily get off on a weekday. ‘Twas enjoyable.”

Christmas of 1901 Louisa received a present unlike the usual handkerchief. “Emma (her sister-in-law, Nelson’s sister) and the children sent me a “fascinator” (a hair decoration – usually anchored with a comb, decorated with beads and/or feathers – and worn in place of a hat).” The “fascinator” would have surely made it as an AS SEEN ON TV product.

“Edith (Louisa’s daughter) writes that little Edith (I had the privilege of knowing little Edith, my great grandmother) swallowed a marble but is all right now.” (March 30, 1902)

“…paid tares for my house.” (March 5, 1903) I suppose Benjamin Franklin forgot something when he said, “…but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” He forgot to mention that in this world it is certain that kids continue to swallow marbles.

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was romp, meaning to play or frolic in a lively or boisterous manner.”

The Diary of Louisa C. Warren Hall - Part 1

2009-07-28T17:06:00.000-07:00

This is a memoir of my Great, Great, Great Grandma who began her journaling on January 20, 1866, over 143 years ago. The following excerpts are all from the year 1866.

Here is some background information. Louisa was married to Nelson Chittenden Hall at 18 years of age, when this was written. The journey started in Deerfield, Illinois. She writes “Deerfield is a queer place – that’s a fact.” (January 29, 1866) She worked in the post office and noted, “Some of the Irish give me a little trouble about the mail. How I detest an ignorant, stubborn Irishman. In fact, any stubborn person. I think as a general thing the German people or Dutch are a better class of people than the Irish.” (November 3) This is comical because my stubborn grandfather was a Dutch Irishman, McCarthy by last name and my father’s relatives are German, Mock by last name.

Nelson and Louisa had Ernest and Eda. Ernest lived almost 14 years before passing away. She writes, “The baby they say looks like me. His eyes and hair seem to be the same color as mine. He weighed 10 pounds the day he was born. Was born at half past eleven. Seems to be an unusually healthy baby” (December 3)

“How much care and responsibility a baby is yet I would not part with my dear little boy for anything in the world. It seems strange how much love the little ones bring with them. I pray that the Lord may guide his feet all through his life, be it long or short. I almost dread to think of my baby growing up and having troubles and cares that must come to all. Oh may he grow up pure and good and may he be a Christian early in life, if he lives. My daily prayer for him shall be that he may grow up to be a good man. My God give us grace and strength to bring him up right and in the fear of the Lord. I hope he may be as good a man as his father.” (December 14)

“It is mother’s birthday. 48 years of changes and sorrows and joys have passed over her head.” (December 26)

“I never knew mother’s feelings, of course, till I myself became a mother. I never dreamed of loving a child as I do my own. When I look at Earny I can scarcely think it possible that he is my own. Me, who only a few years ago, was a child myself, be a mother. Why only a few, very, very short years have passed, since I was running and romping everywhere – for I was a great romp – and now a steady married woman with a mother’s and wife’s cares.” (December 28)

One thing is certain, “life is real.” Louisa experienced joy, pain, adventure and trials of all kinds. Next week I further explore the days of yesteryear and share more wisdom and stories from Louisa’s life.

“Another week is entered upon. No telling what a week may bring for it. May my kind, Heavenly Father give me grace and strength to bear all that is to come, what must come soon, and may my trust be in Him. Oh I am so glad I ever learned to trust and love God. I often feel that without this confidence in the Lord I were without a guide, and like the ‘lost mariner on the sea.’ Oh that every one in need would only put their confidence in the blessed Redeemer. Not only the afflicted (for all are needy) but those whose life seems all bright, for I think the love of Jesus helps us to better enjoy the blessings of earthly joys.” (October 14)

Note: (revised 8/3/09) It was not my grandfather, Ralph McCarthy (step father’s last name), that was Dutch Irish but my grandmother Clara McCarthy’s side of the family that was. Her father, John Matthews, was a Dutch Irishman. Grandpa McCarthy was French (biological father)/English (mother).

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was pangs, meaning sudden, sharp pains, physical or emotional.”

Barrack Obama Confirmed Me as a Cousin on Facebook

2009-07-23T09:28:00.000-07:00

On April 1 of this year I received the message from We’re Related on Facebook that I am indeed the forth cousin once removed of Barrack Hussein Obama. True, it could have been an April Fool’s joke, but what if I am related to the President in some far off distant place in time?

I’m not sure why but lately I have been thinking a lot about my roots and where I come from. After spending another week at the church camp I grew up going to as a kid the nostalgia is cascading and I’ve been more grateful than ever for the people and places in my life.

I had the opportunity to thank the originator, Bill Redmon. This was the man responsible for continually improving and building the camp that is now over 60 years old. I ate lunch with a woman who was married to the man that started the church where my husband is preaching over 50 years ago. What a legacy these people have created with their lives. History oozes from the pores of my very existence.

After moving into our new home we realized that we had to remove a large, diseased oak tree in our front yard. I pulled up one day to find the tree guy tumbling off our roof with a chainsaw in one hand and a large tree limb in the other. He survived the spill but walked away with a few pangs. Watching him try to find and grind all the roots was engaging. It made me contemplate the lifespan of a tree and how difficult it is to uproot something that has been living in the same environment for so long.

Colossians 2:7 in the Bible reads, “Let your roots grow down into him (Jesus), and let your lives be built on him (Jesus). Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.” 2 Timothy 3:14-15 reads, “But you must remain faithful to the things you have been taught. You know they are true, for you know you can trust those who taught you. You have been taught the holy Scriptures from childhood, and they have given you the wisdom to receive the salvation that comes by trusting in Christ Jesus.” This I know to be true.

The family that I was born into has many stories waiting to be unveiled. In my next column I will write excerpts from my Great, Great, Great, Grandma’s 1866-1905 journals. Until then, I need my friend from Derby, Nelda Branstetter to research my genealogy so that I can confirm my Presidential lineage.

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was torrid, meaning very hot; scorching.”

Everything You Never Needed

2009-07-19T18:04:00.000-07:00

With the passing of Billy Mays some may think that the “As Seen on TV” world will never be the same. One thing remains true, there will always be something to be sold by someone and there will always be someone to support the next generation of Billy Mays. New items will be marketed and we will be brainwashed to believe that the latest gimmick is a ‘must have.’

How about the FURminator? What is it? Here’s what one FURminator owner said, “I love my FURminator. I swear I think it brushes away about 50% of my Jack Russell Terrier after his bath! Granted, I am not sure I would pay retail for it ($20-$40 on Amazon new), but it was certainly worth every penny of the $8 I paid for it on ebay!” Convinced you need one? Before you run out (or in) and buy one make sure you have a pet.

Have you heard of the InStyler? It’s supposed to be the hot hair tool for women (or men, I guess) that flattens, curls, rotates and styles your hair for you. This is what a friend of mine had to say, “I'm using it, but it certainly doesn't do the same thing to my hair. I like how it straightens, but it doesn't seem to give my hair the fullness and body that you see on TV.” Hmmmm… that sounds a bit contrary to the infomercial results.

I couldn’t find anyone who has actually admitted to purchasing a Snuggie but I did have a friend whose friend let him try one on just for the experience. Here’s what he thought, “The experience was warming. I wouldn’t buy one because they remind me of a hospital gown that open’s in the back. Luckily I was wearing a pair of shorts. I would tell my friends to buy one though, because secretly everybody wants to buy one and try it.”

Oh yes, and let’s not forget the 2008 product of the year, magicJack. I personally have hooked this landline device to my home phone. It plugs into your USB port on your home computer and uses your Internet connection to work. It’s much cheaper than paying the phone companies, because you pay a one-time fee of $19.95 a year. I think it works marvelously and have no complaints to report.

I also will admit to receiving an Egg Genie as a gift. That’s right, I said it, an Egg Genie that came with a bonus bacon cooker. Those that critique this purchase are only jealous and wish they could have 7 cooked eggs in minutes. The device actually steams them, but it’s great for egg salad, Easter and deviled eggs. I do consider myself a bit strange for desiring one for Mother’s Day, but whatever. Think what you will. I do recommend this handy dandy kitchen appliance and if your family eats a lot of eggs hop on over to the laptop or closest TV and phone to get yourself one.

I wasn’t able to interview any Mighty Putty and ShamWow buyers but I’m sure there has to be some value in these best sellers as well.

You’re probably asking yourself why I wrote about everything you never needed and more. Well, I wrote this column because I just couldn’t bring myself to write about Michael Jackson. I don’t know about you but I’ve heard enough about Michael Jackson. I was a fan of his music and I still am, but seriously people, get over it. And to all of you who have never even met Michael and were crying like your best friend just died… GIVE ME A BREAK!

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was torrid, meaning very hot; scorching.”

Work Hard, Play Hard

2009-07-08T06:32:00.000-07:00

To every thing there is a season. Summer is the time for vacations and jobs to pay for those lazy days of play.

The bright yellow sign that caught my eye read, “Deliver the Phonebook,” with a phone number to call. My two little ones were in the market for a summer job and before I knew it my fingers began dialing. So, there I was, driving to an “informational meeting” with Aubree. I was hesitant and felt as if the word SUCKER were imprinted on my forehead. Nevertheless, I continued with the plan and after the meeting called my husband to enlist and confirm his help and approval.

Our route consisted of 683 phonebook deliveries. Three separate phone books needed to be bagged weighing in at 12 pounds and then delivered sometime between dusk and dawn to residences and businesses alike. The pay out? $225.

The four of us spent 10 hours that day loading, unloading, bagging and delivering phonebooks and yet we still hadn’t finished the job. All I could think was, “This is the dumbest idea I have ever had. Why, why, why did I agree to this?” The reason being, I wanted to teach the value of a dollar and the ability to see through a commitment and not quit when things got hard. The sun was torrid, the books were bulky, the day was long, but our family vowed to finish what we had started. We bonded for sure and it got so tough that Rich and I wanted to throw in the towel. At one point Avery chuckled and said, “Seriously, Mom, I think this is child abuse.”

The next day was the fourth of July. We drove straight to Treasure Island, Fla. and soaked in the rays until we had our fill of the kelp-infested, saltwater and sticky sand. We walked and hunted prize shells, swam to the buoy, body surfed, threw the frisbee and best of all, people watched. I saw people with fairer skin than Michael Jackson and bikini-bearing women that were way to comfortable in all of their skin. Vacation tip: the beach can be a scary place to take your children. More about the sights, less about the sharks, stingrays and sunburns. Our day was perfectly enjoyable.

As I reflected on the prior day’s events I realized just how hard both kids worked with fixity of purpose. And, they will be rewarded accordingly. As Avery and I floated on our tubes I asked him, “Doesn’t this make yesterday all worth it?” He considered that statement and replied, “Yeah, I guess it does, especially once I get paid.” The “Work Hard, Play Hard” philosophy is vital to teaching kids a lifelong work ethic mentality. Don't forget the latter two words. They factor in an important part of the equation.

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was deft, meaning skillful or dexterous.”

My Somewhat Undistracted Make-Up and Media Fast

2009-06-26T09:45:00.000-07:00

For three days I tried to abstain from make-up and the media at camp. I stayed true to the make-up part of the fast (that was easy for me) but I must admit that I got my hands on a laptop for a few minutes and used my cell phone briefly whenever I could sneak away.

I find that I am so easily distracted when I am trying to stay focused. Maybe I have contracted a complex condition such as PSP, MP3, DVD, CD, DVR, .COM or ADHD. I blame it on the fact that technology is addicting and because it makes me feel productive, deft and connected. However, I have never been a big believer in playing the blame game.

Insert Note: I am not addicted to FARMTOWN (the ever popular Facebook game)! My daughter plays under my profile. Special thanks to my sister for teaching my children how to harvest potatoes. Avery and Aubree now try to get hired so they can in turn buy seeds, animals, trees, paths and ponds for their farms. I worry about you FARMTOWN people! I really do.

OK, no more tangents, so as I’m trying to focus on the second through fourth grade campers by giving them my undivided attention I find myself drifting away thinking of all the other tasks I could be completing.

This same concept holds true for me while I sit in church on Sunday morning. I must close my eyes much of the time in order to worship undistracted. This is to keep from seeing things such as my son dropping his freshly wrapped mint into the ladies purse in front of us and then attempting to retrieve the mint while trying not to let her see him dig through her purse.

I was grateful for the times of reprieve when I could fully appreciate camp. I enjoyed slip and sliding, canoeing, not having to cook, swimming in the lake, singing around the campfire and teaching my nine, little, girl campers what God created in six days.

Camp was invigorating. I was able to take a break from the things that can oppress our lives and keep us from enjoying unadulterated pleasures and the great outdoors.

This summer cut the cord. Try detaching yourself from your media umbilical cord. You might find it brings new life.

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was A-Double Snakes, my dictionary reads: a horselike animal having long ears and a short mane or a stupid or silly person.”

Did I Just Say That Out Loud?

2009-06-20T19:27:00.000-07:00

I am often asked how far out I plan what I will write about for my upcoming columns. My reply is commonly “While I have ideas on the back burners, I like to let life happen and see where it takes my journalistic journey.”

For instance, today’s happenings are column worthy. What seemed to be an everyday jaunt to the grocery store turned out to be an out of the ordinary, confrontational moral battle. I took my daughter Aubree with me to visit the newly opened, two-story grocery store. Aubree thought the concept of riding the elevator up to shop and back down the escalator to the car would be an adventure. The cart rides alongside on its own escalator. Another motivation for visiting the store was the $3 off coupon I received in the mail.

Upon checking out, I noticed a woman making a scene. She was angry that her bagboy had mistreated her. I wanted no part in her scene and tried to make a quick escape. As Aubree and I tried to push our overflowing cart onto the track and down the escalator we soon realized our efforts were futile. A kind man came over to help but the computerized sign above the escalator read ‘user error.’ At this point I went to get help while the traffic jam of shoppers and carts began to cluster. The woman who was shouting at the bagboy continued to express her outrage. An older woman asked her to keep her voice down and that set off the fireworks of obscenities. And that’s when the words came flowing out of my mouth faster than I could process them in my mind.

I took a stand. As my emotions culminated I said to the woman, “Excuse me but that’s enough, you need to stop using that kind of language, there are children present.” The woman proceeded to tell me that it was none of my business and she could say whatever she wanted to say and nobody was going to tell her what not to say and that I didn’t have proper respect for her. That is when her younger accomplice decided I needed an escort down the escalator. I placed Aubree safely in front of me and saw the man who had helped me earlier with my cart jump between us. Aubree recalls the enraged woman saying, “Move your A-Double Snakes out of my way.” To which he replied, “No chance you’re not going to touch her.” I felt myself physically shaking as I thought to myself, “Thank you God for sending this angel to my escalator but what happens when I step off? I’m 36-years-old and I’ve never been in a cat fight and I really don’t want to be a guest on the Jerry Springer show.”

I knew this woman could beat me to a pulp so I started to speak rationally and firmly. I’m not sure that I’ve ever heard the “F” word used so many times in such a brief amount of time. I’m not positive what I said either, but I managed to explain my position one last time to her. I politely asked her to stop using vulgar profanity around my child. This was how it became my business and yes I possessed very little respect for someone who behaved so inconsiderately in public. She returned to her clan after apologizing to my ‘little mama,’ a term she sarcastically labeled Aubree.

I’m pretty sure I got my heart rate up more quickly than any other workout I’ve tried lately. And, amazingly enough I restrained myself from making any further comments after the family walked past my vehicle verbalizing more unimaginative words from their limited vocabulary base. Another supernatural occurrence was that my minivan didn’t accidentally swerve in their direction as they walked home.

Here’s the craziest part of the story. Later that night I was waiting with my children to use the Redbox and was telling the story to my sister on my cell phone. The couple in front of us overheard my conversation and told me that they were in front of me in line at the grocery store and witnessed the whole thing. They said they couldn’t believe how crazed the woman was and were still in shock over the whole ordeal.

I have debriefed my daughter and discussed the unfortunate circumstances surrounding the day. The up side is I saved $77 and spent $93.

Some days I wish my life was a little less drama filled but what fun would that be? Life is too short to haphazardly click through the Viewfinder window.

One last bit of advice: parents please take notice and then find courage to stand up for what’s right, even if it might mean an unpleasant outcome (and maybe keep some pepper spray on hand).

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was parturition, defined as childbirth.”

Sunny with a High of 95

2009-06-16T14:11:00.000-07:00

The day was Saturday, June 13 and it began at 5:45 a.m. The moon hung cleverly over the bay as the children ages 5 through 15 prepared their gear and were body marked, tagged with wristbands and had their heads vacuum-sealed into swim caps. These are the life and times of two young, first time triathletes.

Aubree, No. 44, listened for the horn and was off and swimming at 8 a.m. She fought off the elbow and leg jabs as she rounded the buoy and finished the 100 yards in the Crystal Beach water. She ran to the transition area and hopped on her bike to complete the two miles that lay ahead of her. She hadn’t anticipated having problems with her chain but she quickly realized that she was on her own and had to figure it out by herself. She somehow managed and began the half-mile run to the finish line. Ribs aching, Aubree continued and finished strong in 25 minutes, coming in eighth place in the 9-year-old (you race at whatever age you will be on Dec. 31, 2009) girls division.

Proud moment… medal hasn’t come off since the race.
Best part of participating in the triathlon… getting to throw her water cups on the ground while racing.
Reward… fostering a dog from the Humane Society for a short time.

Avery, No. 87, stood self-respecting in his Hawaiian style, blue bathing suit mentally preparing himself to swim 200 yards. “I refuse to wear spandex, mom!” were his exact words as he explained his only prerequisite for entering the tri. I told him, “Michael Phelps looks good in spandex,” but this was not a mind changer for him. He concluded the triathlon by running a mile, his total time was 32 minutes and came in sixth place in the 11-year-old boys division.

Proud moment… the smile on his face after sprinting to the finish line, beating out the seventh place 11-year-old, male triathlete.
Best part of participating in the triathlon… biking four miles with no hands on the handlebars while looking at the immense homes along the water.
Reward… buying a cheap PSP on ebay.

Before the race began, I noticed two girls and a dad that looked familiar. It was the family of the midwife that delivered Aubree! Her name is Karen Vaughn-Kerns, she was busy assisting in parturition, but I came to find out that her daughters enter Live Strong youth series triathlons frequently.

With this event under our triathlon belt, the kids have not decided if they care to ever compete in another race, but they are grateful for having the opportunity to experience one. Special thanks to all of you that cheered Avery and Aubree on, whether you were present in mind or body.

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was rudimentary, “a first slight beginning of something.”

Make it a Rudimentary, Unconventional Father's Day

2009-06-09T00:09:00.000-07:00

Fathers. There are exceptional, great, good, fair, poor and totally lame dads. Here are some random facts I uncovered about a handful of eminent fathers.

Billy Ray Cyrus’ 1992 one-hit wonder “Achy Breaky Heart,” would of silently slipped into the never to be heard of again world had it not been for one of his six children rousing the family name. Miley Cyrus’ stardom as “Hannah Montana” brought the Cyrus name into the 21st century.

Archie Manning III was a quarterback for 13 seasons in the NFL. His two sons, Peyton, quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts, and Eli, quarterback for the New York Giants, both led their teams to illustrious victories in the 2007 and 2008 Superbowls, respectively.

Tennis star Andre Agassi’s father, Mike, was a world-class boxer who competed in the 1948 London Olympics.

John B. Kelly, Sr., won a total of three gold medals at the Olympic Games in 1920 and 1924. He also happened to be the father of American movie star Grace Kelly.

John and his daughter Anjelica Huston both won Oscars.

For the first time in MLB history, Ken Griffey, Sr., joined his son, Ken Griffey, Jr., in the 1990 Seattle Mariners’ lineup.

The list goes on and on… Natalie and Nat “King” Cole, Henry and Jane Fonda, George H.W. and George W. Bush.

These men are distinguished, yet for me, the appeal lies in the relationship. I am intrigued by the bond between a father and his child. These fathers must have weaved an intricate web into the story behind their offspring’s sensational success.

My father is not famous yet he has contributed to my upbringing by providing and pointing me to seek my Father in heaven that loves unconditionally, graciously forgives and freely dispenses hope, peace and comfort into my life.

This Father’s Day give an original gift to the man that you know as father. This may be a fatherly figure since all fathers do not fall in the exceptional, great, good or even fair category.

Think out of the box. Don’t think iPod Touch, grill, necktie, GPS, cigar of the month club or cologne. Instead, think what does my father love? What does he love to do? Send him to Spring Training Dream Week, check into www.hightrekadventure.com, make a memorable keepsake or create a memory. Put thought into it, even a fair father deserves a thoughtful thank you.

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “itinerant and peripatetic, walking or traveling about.”

No Cheeseburgers in This Paradise

2009-06-09T00:06:00.000-07:00

Over 100 hungry men and women line up for a free, hot, home cooked meal, every Saturday night, same time, same place.

I was given the opportunity to serve the itinerant folks at Demen’s Landing Park a meal. The experience was not mine alone. I shared it with my husband, son and daughter. They also witnessed the vista of despair and true recession that all of these people face daily.

These people are poor and hungry with no money but they all have the best seat in the house with a view overlooking the bay. A jetty protrudes from the land and the Saint Petersburg Pier is busy with activity only a stone’s throw away. The park is plush and manicured immaculately. The water glistens in the rays of the sun as the seagulls fly overhead.

After watching Kit Kittredge my kids were fascinated with the word “hobo.” According to dictionary.com, a hobo is a migratory worker who likes to travel. A tramp travels without working and a bum does not travel or work.

Call them what you will… castaway, homeless, hungry, lazy lima beans, drifter, outcast, forlorn, vagrant, nomadic, ambulant, displaced, wanderer, peripatetic drifter, floater, wayfaring, street person, bum, tramp or hobo.

But when you get right down to it, labels don’t really matter. When one of God’s created beings is in need, those of us who have the means to make a difference, should do just that. No matter the story behind the plight these people have gotten themselves into, we are called to love and forgive.

The city is trying to stop the churches from doing something instead of nothing. They don’t want the beauty and reputation of the park to be defaced on Saturday nights for one hour while these less fortunate people enjoy a meal. They are viewed as a nuisance and a disgraceful sight.

Let me encourage you to visit www.thelordsdiner.org and see what you can do to get involved and help someone in Wichita. Set up a table downtown with some friends. Show up consistently with food and I guarantee the word will spread like wildfire. Take your family along for the ride. You all might just learn some valuable life lessons.

Take Jimmy Buffett’s advice, give someone a cheeseburger and they might just believe there really is a paradise.

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “astrocytoma, A malignant tumor of nervous tissue composed of astrocytes.”

One Tank Trip - City Arts in Downtown Wichita

2009-05-21T06:50:00.000-07:00

As I followed the school bus filled with third graders traveling to downtown Wichita I realized that I had been duped and began following the wrong school bus once I was in the Central Business District. The other mom riding with me and I got back on track in no time and found the group at City Arts, located next door to the Warren dinner theater downtown.

The Art Gallery/Workshop facility is spectacular. If you haven’t gotten in touch with your artistic side in some time I highly recommend you visit the building. With its panoramic glass window views of the renovated city scape it is easy to see why someone could begin to feel creative.

The third graders were able to make a day of City Arts. The groups were split and each designed a stained glass piece, learned the art of drawing a face, made stamps and worked with clay.

My daughter enjoyed he clay most of all. The students made it themselves by stirring glue, powdered paint and little pieces of stale bread (minus the crust) in recycled yogurt cups.

Aubree and her friend Megan enjoy their imagination and have built their own art gallery in our living room. They even invited the neighbors and charged an entrance fee. She began to break the world’s largest paper chain record, but decided against continuing once she realized it is 53 miles long. The dynamic duo have made an extremely long paper clip chain, architecturally designed the city of Derby with paper roads and signs throughout our 3-story home and have painted numerous projects.

The most unexpected highlight of the day came at lunch time. It was a beautiful, sunny Kansas day. We ate our lunches in the courtyard area and let the kids enjoy recess time as well. One child spotted a dead bird on the brick roadway. This peaked the interest of the other children and before we knew it every third grade child was curbside gawking at the lifeless feathered friend. Matters got worse when an unsuspecting driver would drive over the bird causing the children to cheer in excitement. When a car would miss squashing the bird into the road further the children would let out a sigh of exasperation, in hopes of another car succeeding the next time around.

The teachers and chaperones found this rather amusing. Kids need very little to entertain themselves, we adults quickly discovered.

City Arts offers a wide variety of workshops including weaving, pottery, drawing, stained glass, etc. These classes are for all ages. My suggestion is to visit the Web site at www.wichitaarts.com.

–––Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “prosaic, commonplace or dull; matter-of-fact or unimaginative."

Graduate Finishes Strong with God's Strength

2009-05-20T18:51:00.000-07:00

This is the time of year to remember the years invested in diligent study and paying back student loans.

On May 16 I had the honor of attending a graduation ceremony at Stetson University College of Law in St. Petersburg, the oldest law school in Fla.

A student, husband, father of three boys, church elder, youth sponsor and Sunday School teacher, bread winner and care giver of a brain tumor cancer survivor named Gerry DeVega was there to receive his Juris Doctorate degree. This wasn’t just another cap and gown clad graduate. This was a man who overcame many trials to achieve a prestigious end result.

Gerry began part-time classes in the fall of 2005. The first open house for the families of law students were told by administrators that the divorce rate was over 40 percent for couples attending law school. Gerry and his wife, Jan, had to consider their three children as well. With the support of their family and friends from church they decided to proceed. Gerry continued a full-time job as a project manager for a data communications company and began classes at Stetson after completing his MBA and scoring high on the LSAT.

After the first month of classes, Gerry was told that Jan was diagnosed with a grade two astrocytoma brain tumor. This statistic was not mentioned during Stetson’s open house.

In December 2005 Jan had a brain biopsy and in February of 2006 a brain tumor resection at Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa, Fla. Gerry never left her side unless he had class and then he arranged for someone else to stay with his wife. He also was the glue that held together their three boys car pool and soccer schedules. He was never seen in the hospital without his backpack. All the while working remotely at his full-time job.

One year later Jan had completed 10 months of chemotherapy and was and still is cancer and tumor free.

Jan planned her own special open house for Gerry after the commencement. She summoned all of Gerry’s friends and family to “Gerry Duty” via an evite. She then put Gerry on the stand and held a mock trial. The prosecuting attorney, defense attorney, judges and jury made for a simply smashing party.

Props to graduates everywhere, if only we could know the story behind each of your diplomas.

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “loins, the part or parts of the human body or of a quadruped animal on either side of the spinal column, between the false ribs and hipbone.”

Mother's Day Memoir

2009-05-20T18:50:00.000-07:00

It is the morning after Mother’s Day and I just disciplined both of my children for arguing in the pool. I am sure they have labeled me “Queen of Mean.”

The blessed holiday is over and I must wait another year to celebrate Mother’s Day. No longer do I get to choose the restaurant, enjoy a little peace and quiet, receive presents and bask in the joyful abundance I have produced from the fruit of my loins.

Philippians 2:14 in the Bible reads, “Do everything without complaining or arguing.” This is my family motto, 2:14. I adopted it as such from my youth minister who would use 2:14 on youth group trips when I was in high school.

It is a mother’s dream to ask of her child something and it be done instantly without hesitation or defiance.

I am heard, listened to, respected and adored on this special day.

This year I received a card that doubled as a queen’s tiara. Whenever I was wearing the tiara I was told that I could ask whatever I wished of my family members. The tiara read, “Queen of Nice.” I thought long and hard about abusing this privilege but I chose to use my newly found power conservatively.

This year my son made me a very special card and on it he wrote: Mom, I love you because you cook great. I love your meatloaf and cookies. I love you because you put a T.V. in my room to play PS2. I love that you do my laundry because I am lazy. I love that you provide me with a nice home.

These words mean more than any material possession he could buy.

My daughter drew a picture of her and I colorfully displayed with the words, “I love you!” hand written carefully on the face of a plate. She also made me a coupon book to redeem at my convenience.

This too I will cherish and hold close to my heart.

Until next year, I will dream…

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “tyro,” novice.

Getting a Peep at the New Neighbors

2009-05-20T18:47:00.000-07:00

The fishbowl is set up in the corner of the living room, I survived the move and the family is getting settled here in Saint Petersburg, Florida.

I spoke with a mom across the street to find out all I need to know about the neighbors. We bought a house that is directly next door to the neighborhood peeper.

Her husband decided to dress in his camo gear and hide in the bushes, after finding numerous trampled plants. Apparently the prowling, tyro ‘tom cat’ was roaming the neighborhood in search of uncovered windows. Her husband was able to catch Tom and through means of intimidation ensure the safety of his family in the future.

We’ll call him Tom. He is a 47-year-old man who still lives at home with Mom and Dad. Tom has a drug and alcohol problem. He has wild features, native Floridian, friendly and rides his bike around town because the law took his driving ability away.

Tom is a stand out because the rest of the neighbors ‘seem to be’ completely normal and threw up the flares on Tom. The people surrounding us are concerned, responsible citizens that do their part in taking care of their homes and their lives.

It’s only been a week and I have been processing how to handle this foreign situation. However, after my husband gives the same proclamation that my new friend’s husband did I don’t think we’ll have any problems either.

I love the home we purchased and I love the quiet neighborhood. I’m just going to look at this as another adventure. I am grateful for my 70-pound dog and now see why God placed her in our lives. I hope for Tom’s sake he doesn’t get to know her pearly white canine teeth.

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week I completely forgot to add a word. So in case you didn’t know a “cityscape,” is a view of the city.

Bully Busters

2009-04-16T09:18:00.000-07:00

Bullies have been around even longer than Charlie’s Chicken has been closed for remodeling.
I have been surveying local elementary school teachers and parents to find out what the general consensus is in terms of what a portion of the community thinks about the school instituted bully policy.
Here’s an example of what I think about the over-the-top policy.
“Teacher, my imaginary friend called me an idiot,” said the tattling student. After being sent to the principal’s office for a tongue lashing and a call to the parents of the bully, the student is labeled a bully.
I’m sorry but in my day the big, bad bully stuffed kids in the locker or trash can after forcing the victim to give up their lunch money. Worst case scenerio was giving another student a swirly (dunking another’s head into the toilet bowl and flushing) for whatever insignificant reason they deemed necessary.
My son explained to me that while he was playing tag at recess another boy told on him for tagging him it. This is not a bully! A ruffian daily makes another child feel inferior and drives his self-confidence into the ground by calling him obscene names and using physical force to intimidate.
My children are both competitive. I make no excuses for that. However, I do expect them to play fairly and be kind in the midst of their competitiveness. I have repeatedly told my son to play with his game not with his mouth. And for the most part I think he does an exceptional job of not talking smack.
So, what happens when a kid is just gifted in a particular area and sets his/her mind to beating out the opponent? They are identified as a domineering bully or maybe a ball hog because they didn’t let anyone else win.
Promoting the bully policy seems to be planting thoughts in the kids heads that may not have normally been there. Name calling, threatening and prosaic kid banter on the playground is part of life. The policy is overboard and I for one do not support it.
I do support the eradication of cyberbullying and sexual harrassment in the schools. A no-tolerance bully policy should be enforced for the extreme bullies that terrorize, but not for the kid who just called Susie a big mouth.
I guess the nature of the beast when an idea is heavily indoctrinated into a childs brain is that the child takes it to the extreme.
What’s the answer? Teachers should wear no-bully shirts, watch videos, attend conventions, take surveys, read books, work crosswords and know what to watch for in a typical bully. Then the teacher should correct the bully behavior and save the other innocent students from such violence and mental cruelty.
I don’t claim to be an expert on this issue, but I do believe that the bully busters should be the adults, and not every single student who feels they’ve been treated unfairly.
Whether you disagree or agree with me, visit The Derby Informer’s Facebook Page and let me know what you think. I delight in confrontation, controversy and debate.

–––Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “tenuous,” slender or fine, as a fiber, rare, flimsy.

Outrageous Tax Deductions and Lesser Known Ones

2009-04-16T09:17:00.000-07:00

This really fires me up.
A frustrated Pittsburgh furniture-store owner could not sell his business and hired someone to burn his store down. He then proceeded to collect $500,000 from the insurance company.
Incredibly, the man went on to deduct the $10,000 that he paid the arsonist as a “consulting fee.” An IRS audit two years later ended with both men in prison.
Astonishing, however, the next case is evidence that taxpayers can truly milk the system.
The owners of a dairy business went on an African safari. They justified the deduction by saying that many of the dairy’s promotional activities and marketing efforts included wild animals.
I’ve never heard of “wild dairy cows,” but the IRS has and agreed that the trip was “ordinary and necessary.”
Get your feet wet with this tax code.
A doctor told his emphysema patient that the sick man needed to start exercising. The patient decided to install a swimming pool at his home and then he deducted the cost as a “necessary medical expense.” The IRS agreed with the deduction, not only for the pool, but also for the various chemicals and cleaning equipment.
I give credit (not tax credit) to these two ingenious and brave souls for legally attempting what many would nay-say. What harm is there in asking?
How about these tenuous yet successful deductions... a Ph.D. candidate who was writing a thesis on comic books deducted several thousand dollars’ worth of them as a business expense. One taxpayer solved a noisy-neighbor problem by buying their home, moving it from the lot, and donating the house to a women’s shelter. An exotic dancer wrote off breast implants as stage props.
But, did you know that if your doctor prescribes a weight-loss program you can add it to your medical deductions? The cost of driving to a volunteer site and back home is deductible. Gambling losses are approved by the IRS if they don’t exceed your winnings. While you listen to the background music in your home or small-business office, go ahead and write off your stereo equipment.
It all started in 1862, the year the first U.S. income tax was levied. Abraham Lincoln signed into law this revenue-raising method to help the federal government pay for the expenses of the Civil War.
And so it goes... on and on and on and on.

–––
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “clairvoyance,” the supernatural power of seeing objects or actions removed in space or time from natural viewing.

Searching for True Satisfaction

2009-04-16T09:16:00.002-07:00

Let’s keep it real, there are many people who only choose to attend church on Easter Sundays.
I often contemplate the whys and what-for’s of life.
Do people enthusiastically wake up to go to church twice a year just so they can put on their best threads and impress other church goers? Or maybe the goal is to make the family happy and endure the church service for the decadent meal and family traditions that are soon to follow.
Tradition and going through the motions are powerful. Handel’s Messiah has been presented in Lindsborgeach, Kan. at Easter since 1889. That’s 120 years of tradition.
Or just maybe, some are spiritually hungry and wanting to truly learn about something that can satisfy the soul.
Last Sunday the pastor at First Christian Church, Rick Wheeler, spoke of eating to the point of stuffing ourself instead of simply eating to ultimately feel satisfied. The analogy was excellent and made perfect sense. We are stuffing ourselves with “stuff” such as money, entertainment, technology, success, popularity and relationships instead of filling our hunger pains with Jesus Christ.
As you know, my husband is a pastor in St. Petersburg, Fla. and I grew up in a Christian home, learning the language of “Christianese” and studying the Bible as the infallible word of God. This is who I am, but I did not simply accept the teachings of my parents. I searched for myself and came to my own conclusion that the Bible is completely true and accurate and only Jesus Christ can save and bring peace, grace and forgiveness to a life.
I testify that I have messed up royally many a time, but I know that Jesus loves me and accepts me for who I am, the good, bad and the ugly parts of me. I have fallen to my knees and asked for God to give me strength to press on and continue to work at having a genuine “relationship with Him,” not just a knowledge of who He is. Searching God’s word is a lifelong process that continually teaches us and builds character.
Don’t just take my word for it, search for yourself. I don’t profess to have the gift of clairvoyance but the most rewarding days of your life await if it’s Jesus Christ you choose to follow.
If you want to attend church this Easter Sunday, but aren’t sure where to go, email me at rafranz@sbcglobal.net. We’ll sit together.
–––
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “roiling,” to make (a liquid) cloudy.

Weed Out the Useless Facts

2009-04-16T09:16:00.001-07:00

Ever find yourself completely entrenched in reading a “word salad?”
You’re not really sure why you are reading the information being presented but you can’t walk away from it.
Exhibit A: Work wet newspaper layers around plants overlapping as you go. Cover with mulch and forget about weeds.
Spring is blossoming and April reminds us that it is National Garden Month.
As produce costs continue to rise, planting a garden doesn’t sound like such a bad idea.
Since living in Kansas I have discovered something about myself. I like gardening. It’s productive, relaxing and fulfilling when you taste your first crop of the season.
I’ll never forget the year we grew pumpkins, watermelon and cantaloupe all in the same small space. Vines were intertwined and overtaking every inch of the yard. It was a learning experience not only for the kids but also for Mom and Dad.
Gardening spawns insects and hungry predators that crave juicy tomatoes and leafy greens. Here’s my useful advice.
1) To get rid of pesky fruit flies fill a small glass half way with apple cider vinegar and two drops of dishwashing liquid; mix well. Flies are drawn to the roiling concoction and drown.
2) Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it ‘home,’ can’t digest it so it kills them. It may take a week, especially if it rains.
3) Place a dryer sheet in your pocket, it will keep the mosquitoes away.
4) Sprinkle cayenne pepper on your plants to keep squirrels from eating them.
And if you are interested in learning from the primates, peel a banana from the bottom, this way you won’t have to pick the little ‘stringy things.’ Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store, they won’t ripen as quickly as when they are attached at the stem.
Last but not least, when buying peppers to eat look for three bumps on the bottom, they are sweeter. The peppers with four bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.
–––
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “kitschy,” something of tawdry design, appearance or content created to appeal to popular or undiscriminating taste.

Spring Break Synopsis

2009-03-27T11:59:00.001-07:00

Where does a family from Florida go for Spring Break?
I can tell you where this native Floridian won’t be seen: saying cheese with “the mouse.” Many spring breakers head toward Disney World in Orlando and other kitschy theme parks or to the Gulf Coast beaches, but not the natives.
I took my Kansan kids to Parksdale Farms in Plant City, Fla. This fruit stand on steroids is loaded with every kind of fruit and veggie known to man and then some you could only find growing on the LOST television island in the 1970s.
It is most famous for its strawberries – strawberry shakes, strawberry shortcake, flats of strawberries and extremely long lines of senior citizens waiting for the seedy, bright red delight. I’m not sure what the fruit stand possesses more of, strawberries or AARP members exiting charter buses to ship fruit to their friends all over the world.
We also visited a large playland and although we were in a park in Lakeland, Fla. there was not a single real blade of grass to be mowed. The green was as artificial as Splenda but the sight of every newly invented piece of equipment was still extremely sweet.
It was complete with the bronze statues that are also strategically placed throughout Sedgwick County. I appreciate the artwork but was a bit disappointed that it wasn’t just a sight to be seen in Kansas.
I can always hold on to the fact that I still haven’t seen any large rocks with the owner’s last name or favorite teams mascot engraved into the rock except in Kansas.
So, what is my suggestion for Kansans wanting to visit Florida minus encountering the boatloads of tourists? Stay in Kansas and go to the zoo.
You may have to forfeit the tropical temperatures but you’ll save yourself the headaches of traffic, shark attacks, overpriced theme parks and rude natives that secretly want the tourists to go home to their bitter cold climates.
–––
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “litany,” a ceremonial or liturgical form of prayer consisting of a series of invocations or supplications with responses that are the same for a number in succession.

Must Have Cause

2009-03-13T20:46:00.000-07:00

My daughter Aubree loves to visit the Kansas Humane Society. Her career dream is to own and operate her very own Humane Society.
I have long since squashed her hope of bringing home a new puppy each time we visit the shelter. Despite her continuous litany to bring home a cute and cuddly furball, my repeated answer is, “No, Aubree we already have three pets, a dog and two fish.”
So, off we go to tour the building, because every day is a unique adventure complete with new creatures to meet and greet.
I have to chuckle when I visit Facebook and see all the different causes. How simplistic it is to join a cause with no need for further action but to sit back, smile and feel good about yourself.
The stark reality is preposterous. As if we are actually part of causation, working toward improving the world in some small way, by a click of the mouse. Admittedly, there are some Web sites out there like freerice.com that will donate rice to starving children upon participating in its “definition game.”
However, the majority of causes on Facebook are just there for your personal fulfillment to stir the warm, fuzzy feelings that make you think you are doing your part in caring for those less fortunate.
Jack and Jaden Taylor of Derby are nine-year-old twins. Jack celebrates his birthday in December and Jaden, Jack’s twin sister, in January. After all, everyone deserves one special day of their own each year.
The two decided on their own free will to celebrate their birthdays in a different fashion by asking for monetary gifts that they could in turn donate to the Humane Society.
Their parents, Sean and Patty Taylor, took the children on shopping sprees to purchase hot dogs, 500 pounds of kitty litter, peanut butter, toys and a truckload of treats. Jaden even brought in some treats for the humans.
The Humane Society wasn’t the only cause Jaden felt compelled to be involved in as she recently donated her long, blonde hair to Locks of Love.
Props to these parents for supporting rare character traits like compassion and generosity as they raise the twins.
If you are going to join a cause, follow the Taylor’s lead and make it count.

––Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “frenetic, frantic, frenzied.”

The Charles Schulz Philosophy

2009-03-13T20:40:00.000-07:00

On Jan. 24 my son stopped mid-stride on the basketball court, grabbing at his chest while crying hysterically complaining that he felt as though someone were stabbing at his heart.
A mother’s worst nightmare came true for me that day at the YMCA. As I kept myself from stepping foot on the court, my husband, who was coaching the game, tried to assess the situation. I didn’t want to scare Avery so I tried to keep from being overly frenetic during the drama.
He has since been cleared by pediatric cardiologist, Dr. Steven Allen of the Wichita Clinic, as having a perfectly healthy heart. The EKG, echocardiogram and chest x-rays showed no signs of any problems.
His advice was for Avery to stay well hydrated. He also told me that only one percent of children with chest pains are actually heart related pains.
“We can’t say for sure what it is that is causing the problem but we can rule out what it isn’t,” said Dr. Allen.
Visions of my point guard dying on the court with a basketball in his hand have vanished, but it was a drastic reminder that life is unforeseen and the time we invest caring about those we love should be used wisely.
The following is an exert from the late cartoonist, Charles Schulz, originator of the famous “Peanuts” comic strip:
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer prize.
5. Name the last dozen Academy Award winners for best actor or actress.
6. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.
These are no second-rate achievers, they are best in their fields. But the applause dies and awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten; accolades and certificates are buried with their owners. The point is that none of us remembers all of the headliners of yesterday.
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through high school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special!
5. Think of five people with whom you enjoy spending time.
The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, money or awards. They simply are the ones who care the most.
I would like to thank the Keils and Alspaws for watching my daughter while we visited the emergency room with Avery, Devon Packard for handing me a water bottle for Avery as I ran to the bench and all of those faithful believers that prayed for Avery’s heart to keep pumping properly.
Be thoughtful and kind, you could make a big difference in someone’s life.
––Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “hassock, a firm cushion used as a footstool or seat.”

Tri It You Might Like It

2009-03-13T09:11:00.000-07:00

My son and daughter decided to begin training for a kid’s triathlon this summer. So, in a valiant effort to get back in shape I thought I would join in the fun. We are only a week into it, preparing for a .5 mile run, 2 mile bike ride and a 100 yard swim.
Rich, my husband, has participated in a triathlon and a marathon, and so I believe the kids have been inspired to try the pint-size version.
The kids have begun running at Derby Hills Elementary during recess because of the new fitness club the school has recently instituted. The operative phrase here being, ‘Mom doesn’t have to run.’
I do enjoy running when playing a sport. But running just to run seems rather pointless. Unless a rabid dog was chasing me, I’d much rather prop my feet up on a comfortable hassock then run anywhere.
I enjoy biking and swimming, but running is like having a root canal only the dentist forgot to send you to your happy place before performing the operation. The only cure for me is to register for an aquathlon (biking and swimming only).
We will be at the DRC for swim practice and ride our bikes around the neighborhood frequently.
Trying something new can not only be a learning experience but a refreshing realization that life is more than the day to day. I think it is God’s way of keeping us from settling into our comfort zone so much so that we become complacent.
I just finished reading the New York Times best-seller, The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls. As a minister’s wife, I hesitate to admit that I read the book in its entirety. It is full of profanity and real life depictions of Walls poverty-stricken family. More importantly is what I took away from the book. That being, even if you were raised by a pack of wolves you are capable of breaking the cycle and attaining an amazing future.
The memoir is a well written piece that reminds the reader that no matter how bad you think you had it growing up there is always someone who had it worse.
My husband always jokes about growing up eating blocks of ‘government cheese.’ I told him ‘government cheese’ would be gourmet compared to what Walls had to eat as a child.
We earthlings all have a story, some are just harder to believe than others. Despite our circumstances, childhood upbringing, life experiences and personalities God can transform and use each of us to be used in a special way.
This is my challenge to those of you who enjoy reading my column: get out there and try something new that will benefit your life in a positive direction. In the name of adventure, learn a new skill, tackle a problem you’ve been avoiding, kick a bad habit or reach out to someone you wouldn’t normally have had the pleasure of knowing.
––
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “plaudits, applause.”

I'm moving: please do not tap on the glass

2009-02-27T12:54:00.000-08:00

I don’t know about you but I am tired of hearing about the economy’s ultimate destiny to plummet into the abyss of no return, peanut butter recalls, digital converter boxes and the ShamWow.
I feel it only fair that I give you an insider look into my life. I don’t mind being transparent as long as I have the reader’s common courtesy to look and not tap on the glass, only to see if the fish will move.
I am moving. The day after school is out I will pack up the family and our belongings, two goldfish and the dog to our North American homeland of Florida.
Derby has been a wonderful place to live for the past six years, but due to my husband’s recent career transition we will be traveling back to the clement state for which my children and I were born.
Change is scary and exciting all at the same time. What if McDonald’s changed their fries, K-State and KU devotees ceased their plaudits for their alma mater, God didn’t forgive, dogs weren’t man’s best friend, your mother-in-law was perfect, cows weren’t mad and birds didn’t give us the flu?
Right now my husband is working as a Senior Pastor in St. Petersburg, Fla. while I am adjusting to single parenthood. I am starting to understand the challenges and advantages that Air Force moms in this area cope with daily.
On the plus side, I don’t have to cook every night, a bowl of cereal or mac and cheese satisfies the kids. I don’t have nearly as much laundry and I have total dominion over the remote control.
Besides the obvious draw backs that the kids and I have felt we are making the best of our time together.
Moving is work. It is full of red tape to muddle through, especially when buying and selling a home or transitioning children to a new school and neighborhood. I have often compared it to birthing my firstborn (who came equipped with an extremely large head, epidural not included).
However, each time I have moved I have learned valuable life lessons that have built character and helped me to grow through trial and error.

––
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “self-deprecating, express disapproval of, belittle.”

Cell Phone Usage: MUBAR

2009-02-16T13:12:00.000-08:00

MINACPEEHO... Mom, I need a cell phone, everyone else has one... This is the acronym that my 10-year-old son recently stated in the car on the way home from school one day.
I have definite opinions about tweens, teens and adults with cell phones and the ability to text, send and receive pictures and accessing the internet.
If a cell phone is properly monitored by parents and if parents use their cell phones with discretion, ownership can deliver both positive and negative attributes. My cell phone is fitted with all of these innovations that I find enjoyable, however, I have seen and heard innumerable horror stories.
For example “sexting,” sending naked pictures back and forth is considered flirting! For real, I’m not that old (Jennifer Lopez and I are the same age), 36, to be precise, but back in the day flirting was smiling, playing hard to get, being witty, making eye contact and looking cute.
Another scary reality of texting is that teens are relying heavily on net lingo. This new vernacular is “ chat acronym” and “shorthand code” driven.
For instance, a freshmen English teacher in Florida sent me this quote from a typed paper that one of her students had turned in for a grade regarding the inauguration...
“the mane reason it was boring was because it could have pout a viewer to sleep! A viewer clamed her action span is like a sort lit fuse for that type of stuff. She would rather draw. She is a perfectionist and does it to inter tan her self. She draws to relive stress. BTW she had no eraser in her mecanical pencil she could not draw.”
Or how about this introductory letter: “Something that people don’t know about me is that I used 2 go 2 a private school in elementary. One thing you can do for me that’s helpful is to b a good teacher and go over the stuff that you b teaching.”
This is classic, “One thing people don’t know about me is I’m a big redneck. I’ve got my own nickname it’s ‘rednexican’ LOL.” This was from a kid who also said, “I didn’t read anything over summer except my job application.”
The teacher was talking to one of her students and the girl replied, “IDK, Mrs. Goodmanson.”
Seriously? These are 14-year-old teens that are speaking and writing in text code. I find it to be self-deprecating.
I am dumb founded that students are abusing abbreviated text codes in school.
It will be a few years before my son does get his own cell phone and when he does there will be features that he won’t be able to use. At this stage in life, he just wants one that allows him to play Tetris.
SLATBSALYNI... Son, look at the bright side at least you’re not illiterate.
Parents I beg you to watch yourself and your children carefully and encourage proper moral behavior that comes along with the responsibility of owning a cell phone. It’s a technological advantage that can either be used for good or be used to make poor choices.
––
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “incongruous, lacking harmony or agreement of parts.”

STAY INFORMED-Text Codes Defined:

MUBAR - Messed Up Beyond All Recognition
BTW - By the way
LOL - Lots of laughs
IDK - I don’t know
2moro - Tomorrow
420 - marijuana
4EAE - Forever and Ever
831, 459, ILY, ILU - I Love You
B4N - Bye For Now
B4YKI - Before You Know It
BDBI5M - Busy Daydreaming Back In 5 Minutes
CD9 - Code 9 - Parents Are Around
C4N - Ciao For Now
C-P - Sleepy
CUL8R - See You Later
D&M - Deep and Meaningful
def - Definitely
E123 - Easy As One, Two, Three
F2F - Face-to-Face
G1 - Good One
G2G - Got to Go
GI - Google It
GSOAS - Go Sit on a Snake
H&K - Hugs and Kisses
I 1-D-R - I Wonder
I-D-L - Ideal
KPC - Keeping Parents Clueless
kewl - Cool
MOS - Mom Over Shoulder
natch - Naturally
N-A-Y-L - In A While
NE14KFC - Anyone for KFC?
Ne2H - Need to Have
AAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse

Who Loves You Whole Bunches?

2009-02-16T13:10:00.000-08:00

Ah, yes, the days of love have slowly crept upon us, as mothers will pull down the shoeboxes and extricate ingenuity from within their inner being’s to help the small ones they love fashion a creative expression of art, worthy of entering the classroom doors.
Children will beam with pride over their valentine box as they study the faces of their peers for approval.
If memory serves me correctly there was “the year of the shark, Hershey bar, WSU basketball court, tic-tac-toe game, and High School Musical movie.”
I’m convinced that these valentine projects are assigned by teachers to torture parents and try our patience.
I am aware of the purpose of these boxes and realize that they are pure acts of love.
Before going to sleep at night I ask my kids who loves them whole bunches? They always reply, “Mom and Dad.” Then I say, “Who loves you the most?” and they say, “God does.”
The first time I asked my son who loved him more than Mommy and Daddy he was three and he replied, “the Mueller boys.” These family friends made quite the impression on his young life. The older boys set a fantastic example for him, but not quite the example that Christ set for mankind.
This bedtime ritual is something that I hope they will never forget and it has caused me to reflect and ask myself the same question.
Reprioritizing and reevaluating life can show a person what is important. Giving and receiving love is on the top of my list. Acts of pure love are essential for parents to demonstrate in hopes that all who come behind us will continue life with acts of pure love.
Love is... hearing your preschooler call an armadillo an “in the pillow” or a squirrel a “squail.”
Understanding when your two-year-old pronunciates s’s as f’s (caresul and oss) and f’s as tr’s (that made it interesting when a large, red emergency vehicle would drive by). Typical PK.
Hearing your children ask questions such as, “Does Jesus sleep in the night or day?”
“Does God and Jesus have the same hair?”
“Is there a lot of candy in heaven? No, probably not because we would get too many cavities.”
“Is there an animal in this town that can eat me?”
“I’m afraid to go to heaven because I might fall off of a cloud while I’m sleeping. Are the angels fast enough to catch me?”
“Will there be lots of food in heaven?”
Wanting a do-over during a prayer and saying, “Wait a minute God, I didn’t mean to say that, restart.”
Love is appreciating health, joy and the blessings that we are given. Most families are incongruous at times but the love of a family needs to be unconditional and forgiving.
As much as I love chocolate, this Valentine’s Day I am going to focus on the kind of love that is simple and precious. The love of my Savior and the love of my family.
––
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “genuflection, to bend the knee, as in worship.”

All Together Now

2009-02-16T13:08:00.000-08:00

It finally arrived Jan. 22 and although I don’t believe in idol worship I came close to genuflection.
One single, circular file where I can pitch all of my recyclables.
Gone are the days of sorting plastics, glass, tin and paper in separate boxes in my garage. Now I can simply throw all of my trash collectively into a brand new trash can and wheel it to the curb every two weeks for pick up.
This is the route I vote for Derby to take. What could possibly make more sense or be easier? Is the cost differential that much greater that it is not worth the extra few bucks to make recycling feasible?
I suppose if we didn’t have to wheel the cart down to the curb this would be ideal. But, being as we don’t live in a utopian society the can must be kicked to the curb.
Waste Connections and www.recyclebank.com have teamed up to create a user-friendly collections system, that offers rewards for the amount of recyclable trash that a customer disposes.
The truck actually sorts the trash and adds up the points that I collected for the amount of waste I dumped. I’m not exactly sure how this magical process works but it is fantastic and I for one will not doubt its ability.
After looking over the Web site I learned that there is a special electronic device located front and center on my cart, that joins my cart with my account at RecycleBank.
As Waste Connections boasts “All Together Now,” consumers may toss the following in their special bins:
• office paper, file folders, newspapers and inserts, magazines, catalogs, junk mail, and paper bags;
• food boxes, hard or paperback books and flattened cardboard boxes;
• aluminum, tin, steel or aerosol cans;
• plastic tubs, jars, trays, bottles (No. 1-7);
• glass jars and bottles.
When I logged in at the site I was able to look to see how many points I had accumulated. I discovered that I can cash in with businesses such as Kraft, Kmart, Champs, Travelocity, Sears, etc.
RecycleBank’s motto is “Rewards/for people and planet” and I plan on reaping the benefits.
The bottom line is: whether I choose to recycle or not my bill at Waste Connections stays the same.
––
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “portmanteau, a word that is a combination of two other words.”

What is a Freegan, Vegan?

2009-01-29T08:13:00.000-08:00

I had my first true encounter with not one, but two, vegans from south Florida last year.
The two men were amiable, fit and polite. My obliging and kind-hearted aunt cooked a special vegan Thanksgiving meal just for the two of them.
This sparked my interest and I researched the principles of a typical vegan.
A pure vegan diet is a subset of the vegetarian diet and originated in 1944. Vegans vow not to ingest or use animal products of any kind.
Thus, in a vegan context, any material derived from animals for human use is not allowed for consumption (meat, eggs, dairy, honey, fur, leather, wool, silk, and by-products such as gelatin, beeswax, shellac, lanolin and whey).
Only a small percentage of Americans (1%) are vegans.
The most common reasons for becoming a vegan are an ethical commitment to animal rights and human health.
Some vegans are freegans, some are freegans but not vegans, leaving the rest either in the category of vegans or freegans individually, but not lumped together.
Oprah explained the world of freeganism to me. I rarely watch her show but one night I was flipping channels and the topic caught my attention.
The word “freegan” is a portmanteau of “free” and “vegan.” I have yet to meet one, but I find the whole concept intriguing and fanatical to a degree. It’s hard not to respect a person for such devotion to saving the planet by sharing, caring for animals and practicing extreme frugality.
The anti-consumerist lifestyle involves salvaging discarded, unspoiled food from supermarket dumpsters. The food has passed the display date, but hasn’t passed its edible date.
During Oprah’s documentary, lawyers, doctors and other wealthy persons were interviewed and their lives exposed as they went dumpster diving for furniture, food and everything else necessary for living.
These freegans (some millionaires) proclaimed their savings accounts and philanthropic spirits are large, but their homes and diets show the complete opposite. They live comfortably and eat well but the means by which they obtain these creature comforts are not the norm by any stretch of the imagination.
Practices vary from plate scraping, wild foraging, gardening, and bartering as an alternative way of paying for food. Like veganism, freeganism adheres to its convictions for environmental or religious reasons and political consciousness.
“Meagans,” consume meat and other animal products only as long as they would otherwise be wasted. I suppose this would place Discovery channel’s Man vs. Wild (Bear Grylls) in that category.
On this and many issues I possess an “everything in moderation” mentality, self-identifying myself as a “moderagan.” I find nothing wrong with freegans, vegans or meagans. In fact, I admire their stance on the various issues for which they live.
However, I do believe that God created humans and we humans intentionally rate much higher than animals in terms of the life chain.
No longer can we assume that a person dumpster diving is homeless.
It is safe to say that I will not meet these people socializing at a zoo, circus or rodeo, places I frequent from time to time. So, if you are a practicing freegan or meagan introduce yourself to me, I’d love to meet you.
––
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “sotto voce, spoken in a low, soft voice, so as not to be overheard.”

A Monster-ous Waste of Time

2009-01-22T17:35:00.000-08:00

Have you ever handed over large sums of money for tickets to the big show, only to find out the big show didn’t exactly meet your expectations?
My family and I went to the U.S. Hot Rod Thunder Nationals (aka Monster Truck Jam) 2009 on Jan. 10 in Wichita.
The Kansas Coliseum was sold-out to a tune of 11,000 fans. Ticket prices were $18 per adult and $6 per child. I averaged these figures to $12 a ticket, multiplied by the mass of people and came to a grand total of $132,000 in one night.
Did someone say there was a recession?
I went out of curiosity. My children went because we said they were going. My husband is a fantastic dad and thought it would be a fun family activity. We attended with another family and friend, all first timer’s. My daughter invited a friend, since my son sat by his three buddies.
After seeing a neon green Gravedigger advertisement sign, I remembered the small green truck my son used to play with when he was much younger. Maybe I knew more about this sport than I thought.
Several experienced first and last time fans had told us to bring our earplugs. We were all grateful for the advanced notice as six trucks roared into the arena, motors rumbling, causing our entire bodies to vibrate.
Immediately following the first part of the show the kids wanted overpriced drinks, heartburn-inducing food, checkered flags and stuffed trucks to snuggle up with at night.
We were on the end of a row and while this can be convenient, in this case, it proved to be annoying. We let every person between us and the other end of the row, a half a mile away, scoot out our side, multiple times for beer runs.
Little did I know that this sport involves ratings and skill. A truck would jump and crush several junky cars and then be scored on how well this action was performed.
Sotto voce, one of my friends asked, “Is that perfume you’re wearing or ethanol?”
Intermission displayed little indication of being worthy of the entrance fee. Although, one year, a couple was married during intermission, this year showed no signs of entertainment. My husband and I tried to convince our friends to renew their vows, to no avail.
The emcee told bad jokes and went as far as to stall, when three of the six trucks had broken down, by starting the wave.
The scariest part of the whole event was that my daughter, Aubree, and her friend sat on the edge of their seats with cameras in hand digitally capturing every moment of the entire show. Not only that, but after it was over, Aubree said (a few times), “Thanks, Mom, that was the greatest time of my life.” To this, her friend said, “Ditto.”
Visions of Skeletor, the tattooed monster truck driver, coming home for dinner danced in my head.
I know that the loud noises, concentrated smells and hazard involved are what attracted Aubree. For she is a risk taker, a child who laughs in the face of danger. When riding her bike, Aubree waits until the last second to swerve around a parked car, just barely avoiding crashing into the large object.
She would of jumped at the chance to ride in Arachnophobia or Bad Habit. My son, Avery, not so much. Too loud and scary for his liking.
So what made this worth $54 plus? Aubree and her friend.
The experience as a whole wasn’t as bad as it could have been. The temperature in the building was perfect, the trick motorcycle riders captivated my interest and the people-watching expanded my imagination.
Without the amazing monster truck, Bounty Hunter, in the show I may as well have invested the money we spent that night in the stock market.
My curiosity has been satisfied and I can say, “Been there, done with that.”
––
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “sordid, dirty, filthy.”

Tweet: My face in space blog... cha cha on!

2009-01-14T17:35:00.000-08:00

Not very long ago I created my own profile page on Facebook.
I reluctantly became a member of this social network after friends in Florida pressured me to put my face on the Internet so that we could all stay in touch despite the miles between us.
I must admit that it is fun to reconnect with friends from the past.
Per a recent radio report, the optimal number of friends to have on Facebook is 300. Any less and you seem pathetically lonely. Any more and you appear to be desperate, willing to accept any common stranger as your friend just to boost your numbers.
I still belong to the first category.
My new blog is entitled franzlifeinthefishbowl.blogspot.com. This is Google’s site for bloggers. I invite you to visit the site and become a follower of the blog. It contains all of my columns and eventually will include a few added extras.
Blogging has become the on line form of journaling about a certain topic or life in general. As of yet I have not brought myself to blog my life story. I find it a bit unnerving that any creeper could find out what I ate for breakfast and where I took my last vacation.
However, I have discovered that all sites are free and can be protected through security measures set by the user. A person can elect to allow only invited friends to access their personal profile or blog.
I do not have a MySpace page because word on the street is that there is sordid material floating about within the site. If you look real hard I’m sure you could find it on Facebook as well.
Upon taking a survey of my own between MySpace and Facebook users, most agree that Facebook has better features and more personality.
Sounds like Facebook would make a better date.
MySpace users are finding the site to be more and more like Facebook. MySpace has added applications and people you may know (mutual friend suggestions) to keep up with Facebook.
If you own a smart phone, such as an iPhone or a Blackberry, capable of surfing the internet or checking email, you may know about micro-blogging or twitter.com.
This social messaging utility allows users to type brief updates explaining what they are doing in real-time. It has been compared to a modern-day telegraph system, keeping friends hyper-connected.
Many celebrities take part in the technological race to get their agenda out there. For instance, Michael Scott, (Steve Carell) on The Office and Greg Grunberg (TV show, Heroes) twitter. President-elect Barak Obama sent tweets while on the campaign trail to get his message through to the younger generation. CNN sends news tweets.
Ning is an on line platform to create, customize and share a social network. Ning works like Facebook or MySpace. Only a select group of users can access the Ning network. For example, my sister is a member of tudiabetes.com, a Ning community of people touched by diabetes.
On my birthday last year I texted ChaCha (242242) and asked “When is my birthday?” ChaCha replied, “Alisa Franz is 36 years old today and lives at ..., her phone number is...” My co-worker and I looked around for big brother and felt goosebumps burst forth. ChaCha allows a person to ask any question and receive an answer immediately via text. You may also ask for a joke, movie quote, riddle, trivia and my personal favorite vocabulary builder. Call 1-800-2ChaCha if you don’t have texting capabilities or go on line to chacha.com.
I still need approximately 100 more friends to be a socially acceptable member of Facebook, so if you join, request my friendship, but realize I’ll have to start denying at some point, I have a reputation to uphold.
––
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “reconnaissance, act of exploring to gain information (about an enemy), military term.”

Lists That Don't Make You Listless

2009-01-07T15:25:00.000-08:00

It’s a new year but I couldn’t bear to write anything with the word resolution in the headline.
There are so many lists that are beneficial to remember, however commiting them all to memory is next to impossible.
It is important to have a handle on the can’t-recall-lists especially when visiting New York City. There’s always that off chance that you may hop in the Cash Cab.
I never could figure out how Doc fit into a list of names like Bashful, Dopey, Happy, Grumpy, Sleepy and Sneezy. That’s a lot of pressure to have to medicate and counsel six other dwarfs of so many different ailments and issues. (I included Happy because after a while being happy every moment of the day could be a bit annoying.)
The list of eight reindeer does not even include Rudolph! Truthfully, isn’t he the only one that matters. Without his nose to light the way for the rest of the reindeer Santa would be running into chimney tops and billboards. Let’s say just for fun, that a reindeer could fly, would it really need eight others to help pull the sleigh?
For the love of rhyming, wouldn’t it of been a lot easier to remember Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Fixen, Crasher, Glancer and Blitzen.
Since Pluto was demoted to dwarf-planet status in 2006, trivia buffs only need to remember there are eight planets in the solar system. Realistically, we can only live on one of them, so I figure it is only crucial to remember the “planet earth” (excellent Discovery channel documentary, by the way).
In case you have been thinking about your eternal destiny in 2009 the seven deadly sins are lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride.
If Jay Leno walked up to you on the street and asked you what the five major oceans were could you answer correctly or be forced to make up a few answers of your own? I could recall four of them but the Southern Ocean is not one of them. Since Kansans don’t live any where near the Pacific, Atlantic, Indian or Artic Oceans this is one list we don’t necessarily need to focus on.
Lists make the day-to-day tasks attainable. Checking off something as trivial as “clean the fridge,” can bring magnificent feelings of self-worth and accomplishment to my world.
This year I will change my tactics, just in time for the new year. If your to do list resembles a complex military strategy and you’re suffering from battle fatigue, why not launch a counter-attack by rattling off a list of the things you’re not going to accomplish?
When I began to journal my “not-to-do” list for 2009 I found that this type of reconaissance was cleansing. Here is a smattering of my thoughts.
I will try not to worry or let myself be consumed by things I cannot control. It’s been said that worry is like a rocking chair; it gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.
I don’t plan to increase my carbon footprint, let negative attitudes influence my attitude or walk by a hungry person and not offer them something to eat.
I won’t obsess about my aging looks or be jealous of Kate Hudson and Jennifer Anniston.
I will not flush toxic sludge from my colon, turn my back on the Tampa Bay Buccaneers just because they have a horrible coach, watch scary movies or trust that all forwarded emails are fact and not fiction.
I will try not to be so addicted to my cell phone, television, video games or the internet that I may need to seek out a technological rehabilitation facility.
I’m not going to learn how to iron properly, promise that I will exercise or make my bed daily, scuba dive the Great Barrier Reef, miss out on one day of my kids growing up or leave any doubt in the minds of those I love as to how much they mean to me.
––
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, a nonsense word meaning fantastic.”

It's a Jolly Holiday with Mary

2009-01-07T15:22:00.000-08:00

I forced my family to visit 17 Cherry Tree Lane and meet Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke last week.
What a splendid family movie.
I’ve seen a dozen or so musicals but this is one I have not had the opportunity to see on Broadway. I’m sure it is quite suitable for viewing.
The movie carries lovely tunes, a kind yet extremely firm nanny with a cheery disposition, dancing of sorts, cartoon animals and a world of innocent make-believe and magic.
Where else do you hear classic lines like, “Close your mouth please Michael, we are not a codfish.”
Perhaps it’s the proper English accent that draws viewers in and hypnotizes the senses. I enjoy the subliminal life lessons that are cast out like a fishing pole baited with a plump, juicy worm.
Personally, I can relate to raising an extremely stubborn and suspicious son and a little girl that is rather inclined to giggle and doesn’t put things away.
I was able to wrap my mind around many comical thoughts and verbage that I never really noticed in my younger day.
For instance, “The Pie Crust Promise,” introduces the “easily made, easily broken,” concept.
Mary implements a brilliant Reverse Psychology Disciplining Tactic for Parents. When “valuables,” Jane and Michael, protest bedtime, the witty and wart-free nanny begins to sing, “Stay awake, don’t rest your head, don’t lie down upon your bed,” and so on.
“Well begun is half done,” otherwise entitled, “Let’s Tidy up the Nursery.” In every job that must be done there is an element of fun. You find the fun and snap, the job’s a game.”
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, emphasizes even the most painful experiences can be sweetened with a bit of a fresh outlook.
A thing of beauty is a joy forever and never judge things by their appearance are two more themes sprinkled intermittently throughout the film.
My kids learned the word you say when you don’t know what to say, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Who thought that word up? No doubt, a very creative Disney writer is due the credit and many others who skillfully crafted and fashioned this wonderful movie into a timeless treasure.
I saved the best for last. “Laughter is contagious.”
As Burt says, “When you’re with Mary Poppins, suddenly you’re in places you’ve never dreamed of.”
This is precisely my point. Mary Poppins is practically perfect in every way.
Spit spot, now run along, no matter your age, and buy or rent the movie. Seen it already? Embrace it again, you might find that your heart starts pumping like a big brass band.
––
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “enigmatic, riddle like, perplexing, baffling matter or person.”

Oh, The Games We Play

2009-01-07T15:21:00.000-08:00

I live with a bunch of gamers.
The vintage games are still a delight. One of my favorite photos is of my grandpa teaching my young son how to play Checkers.
I purchased a Wii for Christmas last year for our ‘children.’ They don’t play it very much. My two little ones would rather be jumping on our trampoline or riding their scooters than playing in the basement on a video game system.
I still believe that it was a good investment for the winter months when they get tired of making snow forts and building the hill with Dad in the front yard to sled down.
Wii Fit has been a nice addition and helps us all get active while video gaming.
My water broke 10 years ago as I played Mario Kart, a fun racing game, on our Nintendo 64. Now you can play it on the Wii, with a steering wheel to boot.
Rock Band is an interactive video game that promotes dexterity and musical appreciation.
Many, many years ago, shortly after my husband and I married, we visited with some friends and played Taboo. He was trying to describe the word at the top of the card without using the words underneath it that could be used to describe this word. Out of guesses and time, he said in an enigmatic voice, “What is WHORES DE VORES?” Perplexed, I sat asking myself, “Did I really just marry this guy who doesn’t know how to read hors d’oeuvre’s?”
A few years ago I was playing Catch Phrase and tried to get my teammates to guess the word ‘alpaca.’ I made it quite the challenge since I was describing the animal as a type of fungus or bacteria.
This summer we played Truth or Dare with a family that had recently moved from Derby and were once our next-door neighbors. One family member chose Dare and had to ding-dong-ditch the new neighbors (their old home) that lived next door. If you can find the book it is quite fun for the whole family and most of the dares aren’t quite so scandalous.
On Thanksgiving we played quite a few games of Snorta!. This game requires concentration. Parents, college kids and elementary age kids played alongside each other. Expect lot of laughs.
Blokus is another puzzle type, mathematical board game that any age can enjoy. Carcassonne is found online and is excellent for the strategically minded. Mancala is another methodical yet quick game for two people.
If cards is your thing I suggest Eucher, Spades, Whist, Spit, Spoons, PIT and Rook. Old Maid, Wig Out and Rat-a-tat-cat are good for the younger crowd (I know an 8 year old that would play these games with anyone willing all day long). Phase 10 is fun if you have five hours to spare. If UNO is just too boring, try UNO Attack (don’t poke an eye out), UNO Spin or UNO Flash.
Try your hand at rolling the die with LCR (Left, Center, Right). Our family doesn’t like to gamble with money so we use individual wrapped candy and the kids love it. Toss Up is another easy game of chance, however it can be a challenge to not lose a die. Although the name is somewhat disturbing, Farkel is entertaining.
The trivia games are a hoot, but they get old fast. Seriously, what are they good for except for pretentious participants to show off their vast supply of useless knowledge. Maybe I’m jealous, because I admit I’m not smarter than a fifth grader.
I’ve become the all-time spinner when Twister comes out of the closet because my body doesn’t bend the way it used to.
Loaded Questions is a good one for getting to know new and old friends alike.
I’ll leave you with this note: The classic game Operation is ridonkulous (as my son would say). The body parts aren’t even real and who has ever gotten all of the pieces out anyway? Game on!
––
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “altruistic, unselfish concern for the welfare of others.”

Gold, Incense and Myrhh: Gifts of Worth

2009-01-07T15:20:00.000-08:00

I have a difficult time recalling what I received for Christmas the previous year.
The three most memorable gifts I’ve been given were a plastic goat, a bracelet and a Christmas card.
My friends purchased a real live goat in my name and presented the plastic version to me for my birthday. The goat symbolized the giving of a World Vision sponsored goat to a needy family in a third world country. This family would use the goat for milk, cheese, yogurt, extra diary products for sale at the market, fertilizer that can dramatically increase crop yields and provides offspring for a much-needed income boost.
The second gift is a beaded bracelet that holds great significance because it displays my children’s names and birthstones. The best part about this gift was that my husband had placed the bracelet in a small, tin chocolate box. I had asked him, not to buy me cheap chocolate or flowers for Valentine’sDay because I wanted a practical and well-thought-out gift.
Somehow after placing the bracelet into the tin he carefully resealed the cellophane around the chocolate box making it look exactly like the thing I specifically said I did not want.
Upon looking at the box I did the “Oh gee thanks, I love it,” routine. After I opened the box, he knew he had deposited big money in my love bank for years to come.
Finally, I received a Christmas card from friends in Knoxville, Tenn. They had donated a three-day supply of food to one hungry family in their town in honor of our family. The front of the card simply read, “End Hunger.”
It seems that the altruistic givers are dialed into the most generous gifts one can give in the spirit of the season.
The baby Lord Jesus was the recipient of three standard gifts from the east upon his humble earthly entrance. Christ was being honored as a king and son of God with elaborate fragrances and a precious metal.
The three wise men brought their finest to the Christ child.
I often wonder if Mary wrote in Jesus’ baby book ... “Magi brought you gold, incense and myrrh when you were born.”
And since we still talk about the three gifts that Jesus was given on his birthday over 2,000 years ago that would make these gifts especially memorable.
When the stress of buying gifts begins to overwhelm, remember that gifts of worth don’t have to be expensive or extravagant, just meaningful and impressionable.
You may not find any gold, incense or myrrh around the tree this year, but it’s never too late to look within yourself and give your best to someone in need of what only you can offer them.
Visit www.adventconspiracy.com and play the video, it’s worth the few minutes it takes to watch.
––Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “unsullied (v.), not soiled or tarnished.”

The ID Theft Ring is Not My Circle of Friends

2009-01-07T15:18:00.000-08:00

“Did you lock the car, honey?” were my famous last words in the Derby Wal-Mart parking lot before the nightmare began in May.
My husband had locked the car, however we found out later that the back sliding door on the mini-van wasn’t locking properly. A day later, I realized my wallet, compact Bible and day planner were missing. All these items were last seen just before I walked into Wal-Mart.
Once I realized the items must have been stolen from the van I called the police. Filing a police report is a must in this situation.
My wallet contained my driver’s license, check book and debit card. I cancelled my checking account and a few other miscellaneous accounts immediately.
My bank credited my account the three fraudulent charges made to my debit card.
The perpetrator posing as Alisa Franz was caught on Aug. 30. She had been writing fake checks that she had made with special check-making computer programs and ID equipment.
My name, address and phone number along with fake routing and account numbers, several different banks’ names and a practiced fraudulent signature were carefully displayed on the checks. Merchants did not question the checks because the criminal had reproduced a similar looking driver’s license, with her picture replacing mine.
Prior to her arrest, the identity thief had written over $6,000 in bad checks in my name. That’s when the good times began with the collection agencies.
It has been seven months and I have just resolved all matters with the collection agencies. It made me want to scream every time I saw an 866 number flash across my caller ID. After opening the mailbox, a plethora of collection letters would require my attention daily.
I was also hassled at midnight by a bail bondsman asking where his money was. There was also a police officer who called while on his way to arrest me for grand theft auto, after he found my “supposed” license in a stolen car at a cheap motel in Wichita.
I told the officer that if he would like to verify my appearance he could check out my Facebook site. I realized soon after speaking, that my profile picture had been taken on a recent trip to San Francisco. Sad faced in the picture, I stood in a jail cell while touring Alcatraz. I felt as if I deserved to be locked up after those words carelessly tumbled out of my mouth.
My advice to those recovering from identity theft is to fill out the Federal Trade Commission’s Identity Theft Affidavit (www.ftc.gov) and have it notarized. From that point, fax it to all agencies trying to collect the fraudulent charges. This will ensure your innocence as well as an unsullied credit report.
Make sure your car door locks all work correctly and valuables are not even slightly visible.
And finally, my last bit of advice to the ladies. When using a shopping cart, don’t just set your purse in the cart.
Strap it in, like a small child that could jump out the second you turn your head. This will prevent a thief from picking it up and walking away with your personal belongings.
Be smart this holiday season. The best present you can give yourself is to avoid being a victim of identity theft.
––
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “feral (adj.), untamed, wild, savage.”

"Black Friday" Strikes Again

2009-01-07T15:16:00.000-08:00

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”
A jingle such as this can cheer up even the most depressed economy.
The day after Thanksgiving, commonly referred to as “Black Friday,” is the official start of one of the busiest shopping days in terms of customer traffic.
The earliest uses of Black Friday, refer to the heavy traffic on the day after Thanksgiving in Philadelphia. The police department coined the negative phrase in 1965 because of the headaches brought on by traffic jams and over-crowded sidewalks.
In an attempt to eradicate the negative connotations of Black Friday, retailers spun the term in the early 1980s and presented the “black ink” theory. Under this theory, Black Friday is the beginning of the period where retailers would no longer have losses (red ink) and instead take in the year’s profits (the black). Accountants once used red ink to show negative amounts and black ink to show positive amounts.
Themed parades with ‘Santa has arrived’ or ‘Santa is just around the corner’ were sponsored by department stores, such as Macy’s, to launch a big advertising push.
Traditionally, the Saturday before Christmas has been the busiest in terms of both sales and customer traffic. However, in 2003 and 2005 Black Friday actually took first place.
In many cities it is not uncommon to see shoppers lined up very early in the morning for hours before stores open. Once inside, shoppers often grab, push, shove and hip check anyone obstructing their path. Because of the feral crowds many choose to stay home and avoid the hectic shopping experience.
For some particularly popular items, there are those that hunt the deep discounts on Black Friday to resell, typically online.
It’s that joyous time of year when many consumers throw values and manners out the window to fight for that perfect toy or gift that they must purchase for that special someone no matter the cost.
With only 27 shopping days left until Christmas, stores have extended hours and lowered prices but don’t forget about “Cyber Monday.” The Monday following Black Friday came about in 2005 and unofficially marks the beginning of the Christmas online shopping season.
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “anathema (n), anything greatly detested.”

For a sneak peek at Black Friday ads visit the following sites:
blackfriday.info
black-friday.net
iblackfriday.com
blackfridayonline.com

"The Shack," a Soul-Searching Controversial Read

2009-01-07T15:14:00.000-08:00

If a book can get people talking about God and his existence, or lack thereof, a positive element may be found amongst the criticism and controversy.
After hearing William Paul Young, the humble author of The Shack speak, I was convinced that he did not write the book with the intent to stir up the religious community. He simply wanted to write a book for his family to better understand “the junk” he has dealt with in his past.
The Shack is a New York Times best selling, fiction book.
Although the author bales hate mail, he also receives just as much praise over his “outside of the box” literary masterpiece.
Famous atheist and British professor Richard Dawkins is promoting his beliefs through a bus campaign. For four weeks 30 buses will traverse the streets with ads that read, “There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.”
“This campaign to put alternative slogans on London buses will make people think - and thinking is anathema to religion,” said Dawkins.
Instead of neatly tucking away our thoughts, feelings and possible misconceptions in the name of fear of the unknown and pride, maybe this will spur on a rethinking of our commitment to the truth.
The nature of the beast is bound to rear its ugly head when this controversial topic is discussed.
During my book club meeting on Nov. 11 we dissected and evaluated The Shack. The conclusion was that the book caused all of us to search our own souls (shacks) and think about our preconceived notions about God.
Deciphering Young’s profound and at times obscure ideas was not an easy task for anyone in the room.
Young names God or Papa as an African-American woman from the deep south, Jesus as your average blue jeans wearing, likeable guy and the Holy Spirit as Saraydu, a delicate and mystical female figure.
Trying to visualize God as a woman was the deal-breaker for some readers. Some wanted to stop reading and did just that. Most muddled through the abstract portrayal of God and did not regret the decision to finish the book.
Warning before reading this book ... be open-minded and remember that it is purchased in the fiction section. Young was not trying to write a new book of the Bible or re-invent God.
The Shack has greatly changed my thinking and caused me to search the abyss of my soul.
I hope readers will courageously read this fresh and unique work that has been compared to Pilgrim’s Progress or the writings of C.S.Lewis.
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “debacle (n), break up or dispersion.”

A Late Hit and No Penalty

2009-01-07T15:13:00.000-08:00

It’s football season and moms all over America are cheering for their boys to play hard and be tough while begging them not to get hurt.
This must be incredibly difficult for the boys as they are expected to, “hit ‘em and get ‘em, but don’t get hurt.”
When a quarterback scrambles about to make a play but is forced to run out of bounds to either stop the clock or prevent himself from being sacked, the referee blows the whistle to end the debacle.
However, from time to time a player on the opposing team doesn’t hear the whistle or chooses to ignore it. This allows the enormous linebacker to punish the unassuming quarterback.
Worse yet, there is no yellow, penalty flag flying threw the air because the referee somehow missed the late hit.
As my son lay on the field for what seemed like hours before getting up after a late hit, I whispered to myself, “Please get up, please get up.” The coaches all huddled around his motionless body and finally helped him to his feet. He hobbled to the bench to rest his bruised ribs.
His teammates didn’t block for him because their job was done when the whistle sounded.
The game is not as simple as onlookers may think it is, as they watch from their comfortable seats in the bleachers.
In the game of football a late hit can be not only unfair but painfully excruciating to the player, the fans, the team and coaches.
In life we experience late hits and the after effects that many times follow, without one flag ever being thrown on our behalf.
The parallels are stunning.
Ereck Plancher, a seemingly healthy and fit 19-year-old redshirt freshman wide receiver from the University of Central Florida, died of sheer exhaustion during football training, March 18.
Interviews with family, friends, teammates, pastors and coaches reflect a kid who was humble, God-fearing and admired by everyone who came in contact with him. He was a member of the National Honor Society at Lely High in Naples, Fla. and had earned a 3.9 GPA.
Coaches and team trainers were aware Plancher suffered from an inherited condition. He had a sickle-cell trait, that can restrict blood flow to vital parts of the body and cause serious problems during high-intensity workouts.
Since 2000, 11 young athletes with the trait have died from complications arising from overexertion.
In regards to the training the coaches said, “It was not a taxing workout.”
Fair? Not in the least. Life is not always fair even if we are making the right choices.
As players in the game, we can seek support, have our bruised ribs wrapped and continue playing the game as long as we are given the opportunity to embrace life.
Ill feelings are eventually forgotten and while life continues, football is still just a game.
Although it is often easier said than done, we must encourage one another, pick ourselves up after the late hit and press on to receive the prize for which we run.
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading that I did not know the definition for. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “assuage (v), defined as relieve, ease or to make milder or less severe.”

Teetering on the Edge of the Political Scene

2009-01-07T15:12:00.000-08:00

While sitting at my computer, contemplating the presidential race, I read this excerpt from my cousin’s (Phil Kornegay) blog in Japan:
“Yesterday I left the house with two loads of clothes hanging out in an overcast sky, drying in the gentle breeze. Wasn’t on the road 10 minutes when the rain started. I get back and the clothes are soaked. Thus, I sit in the coin laundromat at 9 p.m.
“A middle age man is unloading his clothes from the washer. Instead of dumping the little basket into the dryer, he took each shirt, each sock, etc. out one at a time, examined it and shook it, I’m assuming to get out wrinkles?
“Then he slowly folded the shirts and stacked them inside the dryer. Again, I assumed he’s just using it as a table, although there was one right behind him.
“But no. With the clothes finally folded and neatly stacked inside the dryer, he put his 100 yens in, closed the door and pushed the dry button. He walked away to the bathroom while his clothes tumbled away.
“Huh? Is there, in any culture, a logical reason for doing this? Why waste all that time shaking and folding when the clothes are instantly jumbled around two seconds after pushing start?
“The answer is - like tons of other little mysteries here – that there is no reason. I think it was just his habit, a habit that he enjoyed and didn’t see any reason to change, despite all the evidence that the process is a complete waste of time and energy.
“In an unrelated incident (at least I think, unrelated) another laundry customer kept jumping up and hitting the button on my dryer. Again, it was for no apparent reason except maybe she enjoyed the beep on my machine better than the sound hers made.
“Why do people continue in habits they hope have some meaning, despite all the evidence to the contrary?
“I’m sure this is connected in some way to why our neighbor, a seemingly sane man, washes his car every night. No kidding. Every night ... buckets, rags, soap, around 9 p.m. every night.
“I guess we all have our rituals that don’t make sense to anyone but ourselves.
“Well, time to go, the weather report calls for rain and the sky is cloudy with no chance of sun, I should probably baffle my neighbors and put some more clothes out to dry.”
This morning you will read this and know who was elected the 44th President. Like it or not, the fact is, he is the new commander-in-chief.
Unfortunately, I do not possess a love for politics. I purposely have chosen to teeter on the edge of the political scene, knowing just enough to make my vote dangerous.
Before the election, both of my kids asked me who they were “supposed” to vote for if they were old enough. The phrasing of this question caused me to carefully consider how I would answer this question.
I told them both that I am typically a more conservative, Republican voter. I don’t like to vote based on one issue but that some issues are definitely more important to me than others.
Yesterday, I took my voter’s card to my assigned polling place. This year I tried not to vote out of habit or ritual, but to make an informed decision as to who I believe will best run our country based on the Biblical principle’s I under which I work to adhere.
This year I hope I made my vote really count.
I will assuage my fears if those that I did not vote for are elected. I will support the elected and pray that our nation’s leaders will make decisions that are wise and protect our country’s Biblical foundations.
I have taught my kids to “rise up, stand firm and shine bright.” I expect the same from our leaders. Although, voters must keep in mind that these officials are humans and grace and mercy must be shown, even to those who are expected be above reproach.
Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading that I did not know the definition for. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was “tony, defined as very elaborate or stylish.”

Fall Feeding Frenzy

2009-01-07T15:07:00.000-08:00

Ask the average kid what they think Halloween is all about and I bet they say Halloween means getting candy, dressing up and seeing some scary stuff.
When my daughter was five she expressed an interest in being God for Halloween. My husband shot me a concerned look and told her that she definitely could not be God. “Oh yes, I’m going to fly around and get my candy,” she emphatically replied.
When my son was three he wanted to be a purple duck or a roach. I know, it’s disturbing, but true.
This is the same child that at age five would not go down to the dark basement to let the dog out of her crate because he said, “he just wasn’t a nocturnal kid.”
This year our family will host the fourth annual “Fall Feeding Frenzy” to celebrate the day of plenty and candy. We don’t celebrate the devilish parts of Halloween, but use this day as an excuse to have our good friends and neighbors over to join in our chili festivities.
If the weather is a bit cool and the chili is hot, the night filled with fireflies and costume-clad children repeating, “trick or treat,” over and over and over and over, it’s officially the fall season.
Each year we make the closest resemblance to the original Skyline Chili recipe as humanly possible. If you’ve never tried the chili-spaghetti, google it and get out the old slow cooker. It is a fantastic dish, capable of feeding a large group.
Greek immigrant, Nicholas Lambrinides, founded Skyline Chili in Cincinnati, Ohio. The restaurant has become a one-of-a-kind and offers tony chili connoisseurs a unique blend of spices originating from its Greek roots. Added to the spaghetti noodles and finely chopped meat sauce are various condiments. A 5-way includes chili, spaghetti noodles, shredded cheese, chopped onions, beans and always oyster crackers.
On September 1 a man nicknamed “Humble Bob” stuffed himself with 11.5 pounds of Skyline Chili in only about 10 minutes to claim victory in a holiday eating contest. Bob Shoudt won $2,500 at the inaugural Skyline Chili Spaghetti eat-off at Kings Island amusement park in Mason, Ohio.
“Humble Bob” dashed to an early lead, sucking down more than two pounds in less than a minute.
Shoudt, of Philadelphia, is ranked No. 5 by the International Federation of Competitive Eating.
I don’t even think I make this much chili for the 75+ guests that come to my home on Oct. 31. How a man can eat that much pasta repulses me, but you do what you have to do, to win the eat-off and be a ranked, gluttonous pig.
The number of guests has grown each year and all are welcome. With mummy hot dogs, steamy, green, punch, roasted pumpkin seeds and many other delectable culinary pleasures, no one leaves hungry.
The last couple of years we have started at 6 p.m. and after everyone has successfully eaten their fill, a few lag behind to pass out treats while the rest disperse into the night to load up on goodies.
We also ask that those who participate in the evening to bring with them a couple of items for the Derby Food Pantry. Last year we filled up two large boxes of food for those in need.
My challenge to you is to start a neighborhood gathering of some sort in your neighborhood. Whether it is Halloween or some other holiday, make it an annual tradition to open up your home and entertain your friends and neighbor’s. I guarantee your kids will always remember the good times and possibly start a family tradition of their own in the years to come.

Home, Home on the Range

2009-01-07T15:04:00.001-08:00

The Sunflower State is officially home to our formerly native Sunshine State family. After five years we have settled down, despite my statement that I would never live in this state.
In 1994 BC (Before Children) my husband and I were taking a group of high school students to ski in Colorado.
I remember telling my husband, “Who lives here? All I see is tumbleweeds and crops of I don’t know what.”
In 2003 AD (After Delivery) we packed up and began the drive from Florida to Kansas. We learned that Kansas is a small town in Alabama, the state of pawnshops and catfish restaurants.
As we cruised through Elvis’ birthplace of Tupelo, Miss., my 5-year-old son wanted to know whom Ms. Issippi was.
The smell of skunk scent and livestock auctions emanated from the very pores of Arkansas. We saw a sign that read, “J’eet Yet?” and a license plate that read, “HNTNTRK.”
Finally we had arrived in the “land of ahhhz.” I was disappointed to find out that “The Wizard of Oz” was not filmed in Kansas. The movie was filmed in California, because evidently Kansas didn’t look enough like Kansas.
Garage sales on Thursdays, hedge apples, basements, corn mazes, sump pumps, the “ahr-KAN-zuhs” River, grain elevators and allergies were all foreign to me upon arriving to Derby.
However on a sunny September day, clear blue skies coupled with the smell of large, hoofed animals and baled hay in the air, I knew we had arrived somewhere special.
My family visited a friends’ 100-year-old Kansas ranch near the Butler County State Lake. It was 2,300 acres of wide-open Kansas country complete with horses, cows, fishing ponds, grassy plains and an outhouse.
The land extended four miles in each direction and completely disproves my grandmother’s theory that there is a shortage of land in America with the rapidly increasing growth rate of America’s population. Likening it to “A Christmas Carol” when Scrooge comments on Tiny Tim and says, “If he be like to die, he had better do it, and decrease the surplus population.”
I had the opportunity to ride a horse. I literally jumped on the chance, even though I think a horse is as unpredictable as the weather in Kansas.
When my son was 3 he saw a car driving down the road with hay sticking out of the trunk and said, “Look a barn!” Born in the city suburbs of Florida, this was the closest thing to a real farm he had known.
Needless to say, my family has found that Kansas holds many delightful surprises.
For instance, Dodge City, much to Chicago’s dismay, is the windiest city in the U.S. The origin of the state’s name came from the Sioux Indian for “south wind people.” Fitting, I thought.
Susan B. Anthony, Dwight D. Eisenhower (34th president), Amelia Earhart, Wyatt Earp, Elvira (my favorite roller skating rink tune) and the brilliant scientist, George Washington Carver, who invented over 300 uses for the peanut, all come from this great land.
Did you know Kansas possesses the largest ball of twine in Cawker City as well as the three largest herds of buffalo and largest population of grouse, commonly referred to as prairie chickens?
Smith County is the geographical center of the 48 continguous states.
The rocks at Rock City are huge sandstone concretions. There is no other place in the world where there are so many concretions of such giant proportions.
Hutchinson is nicknamed the Salt City because it was built above some of the richest salt deposits in the world.
And, at one time, it was against the law to serve ice cream on cherry pie in Kansas.
The motto of Kansas “To the Stars Through Difficulties,” touting our 34 stars, symbolizing the order of statehood, is one of which to be proud.Whether you are a native Kansan or have just moved here, I hope your family will behold the beauty of the Midwest and explore what this state has to offer its inhabitants.

Food, Food, Glorious Food

2009-01-07T15:03:00.000-08:00

Ever thought about the foods you eat and wonder if what you prepare for dinner or eat as a snack is the same as what is being eaten in kitchens and dining rooms all around our country?
I often ponder if most Americans ingest a moderate amount of sugar and caffeine daily as I do or do most people choose to eat leafy greens and forage for nuts while living off the land.
If only I could forget the time I was a small child and decided to try the red hot chili pepper plant growing in our Florida sunroom. My mom began frantically spreading butter over my lips as my face went ochre. The butter alleviated the burn I was feeling.
Unlike that awful experience, I grew up eating tasty foods such as all natural ice cream with wheat germ sprinkled on top, homemade yogurt popsicles, frozen banana slices topped with honey and wheat germ, sesame seed candy and tuna fish on wheat bread, believing that this was a completely enviable lifestyle.
Back in the day my mother didn’t have to worry about organics, trans and saturated fats, oils, artificial sweeteners, whole grains and vitamins, but she did. Preservatives, sugar and artificial additives were not looked upon favorably in our home.
I realize now that my mother was simply trying her best to keep us all healthy and that she did. That didn’t mean that I didn’t look forward to spending the night at my grandparents home gobbling down as much processed cheese, white bread, cookies and 7-Up as I could in a 24-hour period.
When I left home for college in Kissimmee, Fla. I gained the “Freshman 15” because I learned that wheat germ did not have to be a staple in my diet. Fast foods, Coke, candy and greasy french fries sounded much more appealing and normal.
After giving birth to my son 10 years ago I began reverting back to my mother’s ways of good, clean living and started detoxifying our kitchen cupboards.
I try hard to watch the sugar grams, keep fruits and veggies readily available and cook low-fat recipes for the family.
The “everything in moderation” mindset is one I try to adhere to. I don’t want to go overboard in any one direction, but instead try to use everything I’ve learned and create a well-balanced and well-planned out menu.
Besides that, if I never ate another granule of sugar, I could never eat another piece of milk chocolate, and that would lead to my immediate death.
I would like to share a new chicken dinner recipe (if you’re from the deep south and supper if you’re from Kansas) that my family thoroughly enjoyed.
My daughter described it as a “party in her mouth.”
It’s a keeper. I hope that you find it to be just as delicious. It combines all the food groups into one recipe making it healthy, easy and fast. It is somewhat comparable to chicken pot pie.

Chicken and Biscuits Snickers Apple Salad
1 can cream of chicken soup 8-10 apples depending on how sweet you want it (add red
2 c. chopped, cooked chicken and green for extra color)
3/4 c. sour cream 4-6 snickers bars (regular size, again depends on your sweet
1 can Veg-All mixed veggies tooth)
1 c. mild cheddar cheese 1 large box of instant vanilla pudding
1 c. Bisquick 1 c. milk (add last to help mix it all ingredients together)
3 T. milk

Mix top five ingredients with only a 1/2 cup of the sour cream and place in an 8x8 dish. Mix the remaining 1/4 cup of sour cream with Bisquick and milk. Drop six mounds of dough mixture on top of casserole and bake on 375 for 35 min.

Deal or No Deal

2009-01-07T15:02:00.000-08:00

With the economy in a marred state, shoppers are becoming more conscientious with their spending habits.
But when it comes right down to it, many of us simply don’t have the time to research how to receive the most for our money.
My younger sister, made her television debut on ABC Action News in Tampa Bay, Fla. Aug. 27 for her expertise with buying everything for almost nothing. This has inspired me.
Reticent to this frugal way of thinking, I was proud of myself if I clipped one coupon a week, bought something on sale or price matched at Wal-Mart.
Kansas City’s very own money saving mom, Crystal Paine, is a phenom and has enlightened me and to the world of Walgreens 101, amongst a host of other amazing free offers and discounts.
Here’s the deal. Walgreens has become a great place to shop for savings, but there is an art to it. In the beginning stages I had to invest some time and up front cash. I have come to learn through trial and error and tapping into the words of wisdom from www.moneysavingmom.com that you can actually walk out of the store with more money in your wallet and items in your shopping cart than when you first walked in.
“Sometimes I feel like I’m stealing,” my sister stated in her interview with the reporter.
However, there is nothing illegal about it. If you are able to get your hands on a Walgreens weekly flyer, Sunday coupon inserts, the Walgreens Easysaver Rebate book, and have access to printable Internet coupons, get ready to feel the purchase power.
Walgreens also offers Register Rewards. These are coupons that the store prints out for you to use within a couple of weeks on anything in the store. For instance, last week I purchased a toothbrush for $4.50 and with my receipt I received a Register Reward for $4.50. Free money to use on whatever I want in Walgreens.
Sign up at www.walgreens.com to receive e-mail coupons that periodically offer $5 off a $20 purchase or $10 off a $40 purchase on Fridays and Saturdays.
Watch for the BOGO (buy one, get one free) offers.
By combining in-store coupons, manufacturer’s coupons, register rewards and rebates a shopper can actually come away with overage. This means the store paid you to take a product out of its store.
The only catch is you have to have as many items as you have coupons at checkout.
I have never been a huge fan of mailing in rebates and waiting six months for a check to come in the mail. Walgreens still offers the “old school” method of mailing in rebates. For the technologically savvy shopper Walgreens is dialed into the quick and easy Internet access method. Entering a receipt number is painless. The money comes quickly in the mail and if you request that your cash back be placed on a Walgreens gift card they will add 10 percent of your total cash back onto your card. That’s free money in my book.
It is important that you only turn in one final rebate request at the end of the month after you have purchased all of the items for which you want to be reimbursed. The site does allow you to enter your receipt numbers as you make individual shopping trips.
Don’t forget to only buy what you will use and if you don’t mind buying the store brand always make sure buying a name brand product with a coupon is still a better deal.
“If it’s free, it’s for me,” is my new motto. Hopefully I have succeeded in making a money saving shopper out of you as well.

One Tank Trip

2009-01-07T14:53:00.000-08:00

The sign read, “Please stay 6 feet away!! Zebras may BITE.”
However, my son and husband read, “Please come close and see if we will bite off one of your appendages.”
On Labor Day my husband and I and our own two monkeys traveled to Goddard with another family to visit the newly opened Tanganyika Wildlife Park.
For the ticket price of $11.99 for adults and $7.99 for children ages four and up, my expectations were not quite met. I felt like there should of been a few more exhibits completed. Maps were not yet printed, nor were the animals labeled.
Unique features were the wide-openness yet closeness the park enables patrons to experience. I loved the natural environmental state that the animals were placed in. Undoubtedly, the park is beautiful.
It was wonderful to be able to pet a kangaroo and stand face to face on an island with the lemurs. Being up close and personal with a couple of white Bengal tigers, that rumor has it belonged to Michael Jackson, is another highlight of the attraction.
For lack of signage, I do not know the correct name of the lithe, ‘whooping’ monkeys (possibly White-Handed Gibbon), but I found this to be the most entertaining part of the zoo.
The baby animal nursery also added a fresh feature . The children loved the playground and feeding the camels and goats leaves from the nearby trees.
We brought lunch in and ate at one of the picnic areas. The zoo is also equipped with a large conference/meeting room available for rent.
Camel rides are an extra $5, which contradicts my personal beliefs that once a person pays an entry fee into a park, that should be all they pay. On the plus side, feeding the birds in the aviary is free.
If you do plan a trip in that direction, don’t expect to spend all day at Tanganyika, maybe a few hours at best.
This zoo has potential to be as great as its Web site one day. If you visit www.twpark.com before you visit the park you may be a bit disappointed when you visit the actual park.
The park is located at 1000 S. Hawkins Lane in Goddard. They can be contacted at 316.794.8954. Hours are 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Children three and under and adults 96 and over are free. Seniors (ages 60-95) are $8.99. The park does offer a 15% off military discount and a $2 off discount for Sedgwick County Zoo Members with ID.
Note to readers: Inspired by www.freerice.com, I haved decided to add a word each week into my article that I did not know the definition for. I’ll leave it up to the reader to decide which word that might be.

Fishbowl Introduction

2009-01-07T14:45:00.000-08:00

A little over five years ago Dr. Lindel Silvertooth, principal of Derby Hills Elementary School, took my family on a tour of the campus. My husband’s job had just moved us from Tarpon Springs, Florida to Derby. My son was beginning his elementary school days in kindergarten and my daughter had just turned three-years-old.

From that point on, every time I saw Dr. Silvertooth he would politely ask, “What’s it like being a minister’s wife? Do you feel like you live in a fish bowl?”

In all honesty, I really don’t feel like I live with the stigma that being in the ministry can place on a family. I have learned that expectations are set high and living a consistent and genuine lifestyle is crucial.

Over the past 10 years I have been a stay at home mom. I recently graduated from Wichita State and am very excited about taking on a part-time position at The Derby Informer. This is my journalistic attempt at letting readers sneak a peek into my world.

My husband and I are coming up on our 16th wedding anniversary. We have two active, energetic, and high-spirited children. My son is 10 years old and my daughter is eight. Presently we also share living space with a golden retriever/German shepherd mix named Morgan.

We’ve cared for various types of pets over the years including a homeless kitten, Russian tortoise, hermit crab, beta fish, tadpole, hamster and Venus fly traps. Carnivorous plants count as pets because they require my attention.

The 10-gallon fish tank in the living room was supposed to hold up to 10 inches of fish. However, eight inches of fish passed on to visit the porcelain god, leaving the one, lone, two-inch goldfish.

“Why,” you ask, “did this happen?” Could it have been the fact that the tank wasn’t properly set up six weeks ahead of time for the fish to acclimate to their new environment? Perhaps it was two curious and ambitious children wanting to overfeed the fish. However, my best guess is the day my son was cleaning the stairs for me and decided to stick the vacuum nozzle in the tank.

I didn’t actually see him perform this act. I came to this conclusion by using my maternal investigative techniques. This case was an easy one to solve since black, dirty water was mysteriously dripping from the vacuum canister onto the stairs and wooden floor. I remained calm and tried not to get overly cantankerous with the whole scenario.

I’m still not sure of my son’s motives. Maybe he wanted to suck a fish into the vacuum hose. Or maybe he believed that he would clean the tank of unwanted algae residue? Possibly he thought if he electrocuted himself and broke the vacuum he could scratch that chore off his list of things to do. Who knows?

What I know for sure is that life is an adventure. I love adventure, experiencing new things and learning from life one day at a time. I will do my best to share with you each week what life is like in my fish bowl.