True or False: Skinny people are always healthy and physically fit?

I have come to the realization that age and gravity are working against my body.

I was always one of those girls that could eat whatever, whenever, wherever and not worry about calories, fat grams, sugars or french fries, ice cream and fast food. A couple of years ago, all of that junk ended up in my trunk.

There’s nothing nice to say about it, this gradual process of my body morphing into some unidentified foreign object and my hips becoming lardaceous. The depressing state of knowing that I need to make wise food choices and exercise routinely while making sure to confuse my muscles.

I’m every woman. It is true what older women have always told me.

But do not despair for, “Your age will never exceed the numbers that stare at you from the scale you stand upon.” This ancient proverb I contrived will always be true (unless you have a serious case of anorexia) and is meant to encourage.

So, like all desperate American women, yearning to look like we did at 21, I have turned to friends’ advice, magazines, P90X, dieting by eating smaller, healthier portions more frequently, kickball and water.

Yuck. I hate water. It’s so boring and flavorless. This week I decided to beat the power that aspartame-infused Diet Dr. Pepper has over my mind. Yes, I suffered the “I’m addicted to caffeine headache,” and no I don’t like water any more than I did before. I’m pretty sure that I started gaining weight after I started drinking diet soda. Maybe it’s a scam.

At the advice of a special friend I have replaced the caffeine with the all-natural, energy-boosting B-12 spray under the tongue.

I started playing in a kickball rec league this fall and I consider it proper therapy. It’s not so much about toning my muscles as it is about reliving those childhood years with a bunch of other adults on our co-ed team.

Here’s the bright side. Halloween candy screams from every room in my house, “Pick me, unwrap me, eat me!”

Admit it parents, we have all broken commandment number eight and stolen at least one piece of our children’s candy while they were away from their prized loot bag.

Then there’s the brighter side, after the passing of Halloween... Thanksgiving and Christmas festivities invite delectable foods of all sorts.

All sarcasm aside, discipline has to be cerebral. I will attempt to get my mojo on and the only deal breaker may be my own lack of commitment to accepting my slowing metabolism. I will rise above, soar past Wendy’s and make myself accountable to others striving to defy gravity.

So this year as my November birthday adds another year to my double digits, I will look forward to the beginning of a new era and if that fails... I guess there’s always Zumba.

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last column’s word was odious, meaning deserving or causing hatred, detestable, repugnant, disgusting.