Everything You Never Needed

With the passing of Billy Mays some may think that the “As Seen on TV” world will never be the same. One thing remains true, there will always be something to be sold by someone and there will always be someone to support the next generation of Billy Mays. New items will be marketed and we will be brainwashed to believe that the latest gimmick is a ‘must have.’

How about the FURminator? What is it? Here’s what one FURminator owner said, “I love my FURminator. I swear I think it brushes away about 50% of my Jack Russell Terrier after his bath! Granted, I am not sure I would pay retail for it ($20-$40 on Amazon new), but it was certainly worth every penny of the $8 I paid for it on ebay!” Convinced you need one? Before you run out (or in) and buy one make sure you have a pet.

Have you heard of the InStyler? It’s supposed to be the hot hair tool for women (or men, I guess) that flattens, curls, rotates and styles your hair for you. This is what a friend of mine had to say, “I'm using it, but it certainly doesn't do the same thing to my hair. I like how it straightens, but it doesn't seem to give my hair the fullness and body that you see on TV.” Hmmmm… that sounds a bit contrary to the infomercial results.

I couldn’t find anyone who has actually admitted to purchasing a Snuggie but I did have a friend whose friend let him try one on just for the experience. Here’s what he thought, “The experience was warming. I wouldn’t buy one because they remind me of a hospital gown that open’s in the back. Luckily I was wearing a pair of shorts. I would tell my friends to buy one though, because secretly everybody wants to buy one and try it.”

Oh yes, and let’s not forget the 2008 product of the year, magicJack. I personally have hooked this landline device to my home phone. It plugs into your USB port on your home computer and uses your Internet connection to work. It’s much cheaper than paying the phone companies, because you pay a one-time fee of $19.95 a year. I think it works marvelously and have no complaints to report.

I also will admit to receiving an Egg Genie as a gift. That’s right, I said it, an Egg Genie that came with a bonus bacon cooker. Those that critique this purchase are only jealous and wish they could have 7 cooked eggs in minutes. The device actually steams them, but it’s great for egg salad, Easter and deviled eggs. I do consider myself a bit strange for desiring one for Mother’s Day, but whatever. Think what you will. I do recommend this handy dandy kitchen appliance and if your family eats a lot of eggs hop on over to the laptop or closest TV and phone to get yourself one.

I wasn’t able to interview any Mighty Putty and ShamWow buyers but I’m sure there has to be some value in these best sellers as well.

You’re probably asking yourself why I wrote about everything you never needed and more. Well, I wrote this column because I just couldn’t bring myself to write about Michael Jackson. I don’t know about you but I’ve heard enough about Michael Jackson. I was a fan of his music and I still am, but seriously people, get over it. And to all of you who have never even met Michael and were crying like your best friend just died… GIVE ME A BREAK!

Word of the Week: Each week I add a word that I have come across in my reading for which I did not know the definition. After looking it up I try to use it in my future columns. Last week’s word was torrid, meaning very hot; scorching.”